Middle school is probably the weirdest time in everyone's lives, if you went to middle school. But for me, this is really when a chemical reaction started surfacing. The next person to step into my life is my best friend, Sarah. We met during lunch on the second day of 6th grade, I talked first while she only saw me as the person who would guide her to her classes. We're still friends today, best friends, practically siblings at this point, but I developed feelings for her. Instead of the similarities of tomboy-ness that Bridgette and I had, Sarah showed me what it's like to be more feminine. She was the exact opposite of how I wanted to express myself, but that didn't help me realize my identity, and instead, it took a turn for the worst.
As I began to grow and lazily make my way through Middle school, I started to try and present more femininely: I wore tight fitting clothes, dresses, heals, makeup, you name it. That didn't stop the forever question throbbing in my head," Why must I go through this and why does it feel wrong?" Puberty was like a hammer to my head, it hurt to go through, but I edged on. I started making more female friends, I even tried at one point to fit into the popular group. That is, until one of the girls I hung out with made Sarah cry and so I instantly dropped that to please Sarah, so I wouldn't see her tears again and be the reason. While I dressed more femininely, I attracted more boys, majority of them were douche bags but they gave me attention. They loved my body, they would praise me for it every day, and I thought maybe if I can't love myself and the body I was given, maybe that void can be filled by their love. Hint hint, that didn't work.
8th Grade was probably a good hallway into my identity, for I met this girl named Callie. She was a Taurus like me, and was an artist, so of course I stuck close to her. Callie is not straight, and I actually met her when she had a girlfriend, so this opened up the door to the LGBTQ+ community. I wish I could say we're still friends but she talked to the previously mentioned girl who made Sarah cry and so I kinda just ducked out. But I am forever grateful for the knowledge she opened up for me, otherwise, I might not be here.
And this is the beginning to my transgender self discovery: High School.
YOU ARE READING
My Journey Through Discovering Myself
No FicciónHello everyone, I am Ashton. I am currently, at the start of this book, 17 years old. Not only do I identify as a trans male, but ace and pan (particularly grey ace). This is a story, or documentation, of my journey through discovering myself and fu...
