STILL THE ONE

Chapter 22 - Should've Told You Not To Go

I think it's time that I be honest
Should've told you not to go
Thought I knew just what I wanted
I didn't know myself at all

Camila looked at him, he looked....beautiful....so beautiful it would have broken her heart if she still had one, if it hadn't shattered into a million pieces already. His hair was longer, and he had a new tattoo, a butterfly made of flowers.... He wasn't the same, like she had been warned, he had changed, moved on, released a new album, and made a music video with a beautiful model who he was rumoured to be seeing. It had been so long, so long since that night when she thought she was going to die, when she was so terrified, so afraid, so frozen with fear that they had to sedate her, and when she awoke, her whole life had changed.

Madrid

Camila awoke in her bed in Madrid feeling like every ounce of energy, life and happiness had been drained from her, as if a vampire had crept in and bled her dry in the night. She lay unmoving from her waking position, staring at the dustmotes that danced in the light from where the heavy drapes had not been completely drawn. Her eyes shifted to the paper beside the bed. It had curled up a little and she could see the hotel letterhead and Shawn's handwriting. Without moving, she read what she could of what he had written, but she couldn't even bring herself to want to read the rest. She closed her eyes and begged for sleep to overtake her again. She didn't care if it took her away forever.

When she awoke again, the medication had worn off and she stretched, feeling the kink of muscles having been in the same position for too long. There was something she should remember, she knew it, but it was like a heavy door had been shut on the thought, and she didn't have the key for it. She threw back the covers, slipping her legs over the edge of the bed and in the gust of air she had created, the piece of paper flew up then drifted down and under the bed and she left it there, not even curious as to what it was. She went to the bathroom and had a shower, losing track of time standing under the hot sting of the water. Her mother came in twice to check on her and she didn't even reply to her query. She dried herself and came out into the room again, finding her mother had laid out clothes for her, which was good because she couldn't even think of what to do for herself. She dressed in the loose cotton pants and t-shirt and slipped on the sandals. Her mother came in and she was talking but Camila didn't listen, she blocked it all out, and while her mother braided her hair she watched the dust motes again, as if they were alive and cavorting about to music only they could hear.

The formalities, the plane ride, the drive to their house, her father and sister greeting them all seemed to be a movie that she was watching, starring someone else entirely. She went straight to her room to sleep and when she awoke there was a stranger beside the bed.

"Hi Camila, I'm Doctor Rodriguez, your Mama tells me you are not doing so well. How are you feeling today."

Camila didn't answer, she watched the way the woman's lips moved, they were beautiful and she wore a nice lipstick. Camila liked it. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

"Camila, I need you to stay awake, and tell me what happened."

Something happened? She didn't know what that could be. Her head was full of nothing.

"Did something happen to upset you?" Camila felt her heart beating fast and her breathing become erratic. "Come on now, breathe with me, in and out."

Shawn. That was what Shawn did with her when she felt like this. Why wasn't he here helping her with her breathing? She felt herself getting frantic.

"Shawn?"

"Did Shawn do something?" the stranger asked.

"Shawn?" She was panicking now. Her whole body thumped in time with her heart, and now she couldn't breathe at all, she pressed her fist against her heart trying to feel it. Where was it? Was it all broken up and blown away?