Since you walked into my life

Chapter 13

She sat at the desk with her thoughts flooding her rationale. Her train of thoughts she usually exercised had abandoned her. Usually her first reaction would be to bolt. That's what she did when things got too tough but for some reason her instinct now, was to stay.
Taking on Jordan was a big thing for her. He had his whole career in the spotlight and then an ex wife to contend with. That wasn't even counting the fans. She'd had the odd comment here and there but she shrugged them off. There were always going to be somebody who didn't like her. The girl that threw herself at Jordan even when she was stood right next to him. This was the first time she'd allowed herself to think about how she would fit in to Jordan's life. The backlash of trolls and other haters, could she really deal with it. Reality was kicking in over something so silly yet so big. Her head hurt. She pulled her legs up towards her and wrapped her arms round them. She didn't know how long she had been there before Jordan came back in. She raised her head to look at him as he came over to her. The blankness of his face didn't give anything away.
"Hey" he mumbled. "Look I need to know where you're coming from. All that stuff you said, I wasn't expecting it. If you have any doubts, I need to know"
" Its like it all just hit me. We've been in such a world wind. All the things you've done today make it all real. I guess I just caught myself up. We signed for the house, you put up a message on social media about us that is, totally out of character and then, you arranged for me to meet your sons. It's all so.....real. It's stupid because, I knew it would happen eventually, they're your kids but the reality of it, I'm scared.
"They will love you, Jayden just told me how happy I looked. He hadn't seen that since Melissa asked for the divorce."
"That doesn't mean it's all going to work out. We're both giving so much."
He sat on the edge of the table holding on to the edge.
"I don't get this Imogen, where is it coming from? Everything was fine and now this? I don't know what to do or say to make this right for you. Do you think I'd introduce my kids to just anybody? The house too? I thought this was what we both wanted."
"I know but we have to communicate such big things. I need to prepared. You going ahead and doing something so big and telling me after the fact makes me feel like crap. Everything else happened so fast I wanted us to do stuff like making time to meet your sons more carefully.
"I get that, maybe I didn't think things through.
They raised the issue of not seeing you yet. It took me by surprise. Once I said I'd arrange something I knew I'd have to talk to Melissa before they did or else, she'd see it as going behind her back. I couldn't risk that. I realise all those things happening on the same day spun you out and I'm sorry. I thought you'd be happy. I guess I didn't think you'd need time too"
Her tears fell slowly down her face, he pulled her up off the chair and softly wiped her tears.
"Meeting your sons is huge. They are the most important people in your life so, it's important that I get it right with them. It's delicate because,  them being comfortable with me means a lot. It's not something I want to do half hearted."
"these are the reasons I want to shout from the roof how much I love you. I've never met anybody like you before. You take things and say things that are so damn powerful they knock me clean out. For you to consider my boys with the care you do, only makes me more certain that just how right you are for all of us."
" I just don't want to dump myself right in their faces. Regardless how much they say it's all good, They need time to process and I need to be sure I give them space to do that. They can't do that if I land in their life and say deal with it. If we take baby steps at a pace they are comfortable with, gives us all a chance. I guess speaking to Melissa in my mind, made it real before I could figure it out."
He held her face
"If you need us to slow it all down, we will. I don't want to loose you because I put too much pressure on you"
"You haven't. I want all this as much as you. I just sometimes go into panic mode and doubt myself being able to live up to peoples expectations"
"Are you serious?" He looked perplexed
"I've not met anybody who is so unaware how amazing you actually are."
She blushed, she never did know how to take a compliment.