Shape Up

1

What had I done with my life?
What had I done to myself?
What have I become?

Most of the night before was a blurr. I remembered nothing. Nothing except... her words. Her hateful, hurtful, words.

Akia Hanako played me. Played me like a violin.

And I let her do it.

Oh, and another thing I remember; I was terrified of what Iwaizumi would say to me. What he would think of me; of what I've become.

But what I don't remember, is how he reacted. How he probably yelled, and gave me the scolding of my life. He had been so cold to me lately... And I know why.

Let's not pretend I'm the victim in this situation. Let's not make me look so innocent because I know I'm not and that's why I'm upset.

Sure, Hanako had her side guys. Her one night stands.

But there was a point in time when I had side chicks. And one night stands.

She wasn't the only one who wasn't faithful; who wasn't telling the whole truth.

And even though I knew how much of a ruthless heart destroyer she was, I stuck around.

There was a point in time where I started devoting my every waking second to her. Worshipping her. Though, I knew that would only bring me sorrow.

I did it because I felt alone. I did it because I was desperate. I did it because I had no idea how to get my life together and I was looking for a distraction. We really never loved each other. The love we had was purely an illusion. Purely fake. Completely physical with no emotional attachment.

And that's not the kind of love I wanted.

She wasn't the only mistake I made recently... I was pushing everyone who really cared away. I was going to parties and drinking too much. I was failing classes on purpose just because they were hard. I had fallen apart and it was no one's fault but my own.

I even pushed away my precious Iwa-chan.. my roommate, fellow volleyball enthusiast, and best friend in the entire universe.

I seriously regretted that.

All that being said, as I opened my eyes the next morning, the first thought that raced into my head was 'What did Iwa-chan say? Where is he?'

"Nnnngg..." I had the worst of headaches and I could feel my stomach churning, making me nauseous. I curled up further into a ball and looked ahead of me, checking to see if Iwa-chan was still in his bed or not.

A few seconds later as I woke up some more, I realized the alarm was blaring. So that's what woke me.

"Ghh.." there he was. Hajime Iwaizumi. I watched as he sat up and turned off his alarm before flopping back onto bed.

"Yahoo~ Iwa-chan~ you should probably get up. I assume you have that alarm set for a reason? If not, that's just mean. Waking me up so early..."

"Says the person who sets alarms on Saturdays so you can 'Go enjoy the sunshine'" Hajime grumbled from under the blanket. He sounded pretty annoyed...

I sighed, turning over on my other side to face away from him. "I assume you have classes? Come on~ you don't wanna be late~"

"If I'm late it's your fault!" He didn't sound furious, but he did seem pretty angry.

"Why's it my fault?! I didn't do anything!!" I was defensive. A little too defensive. Had I done something? Honestly, I wasn't sure...

"Not anything you remember, anyways." He corrected, tone a little softer this time. Not that it would be noticeable to anyone except me. I'm the only one who could decipher Iwaizumi's emotions.

I thought for a moment, searching my brain and straining it to see if there was any chance I would get my memory back, but no luck. I was clueless.

"What'd I do?"

"Do you really wanna know?" He sat up in his bed, finally stretching out and waking up a bit.

"It wasn't as bad as usual."

Thank God. Usually, I just ran around humiliating myself and saying random thoughts that popped into my head.

"Just tell me already!" I sat up too, starting to gag when I felt a whole bunch of bile come up my throat. I instantly sprang out of bed and to the toilet, spewing out my insides

To my surprise, Hajime followed me... He placed a hand on my shoulder and just crouched beside me, not saying a word until I was finished.

"You finished?" He asked with a slight eye roll. Just him being there made me feel so much better...

"Y-yeah... I think s-" but I was interrupted by another wave of nausea and a few more gags. "Okay now I'm actually done.."

Without hesitation, Iwa flushed the toilet, grabbed a towel, and handed to me so I could wipe my face.

"How nice of you Iwa-chan~"

"You'll be the one doing the laundry, so I don't care what you get dirty. Technically it was my turn, but you got my shirt all wet with your snot and a white towel soaked with your puke, so I think you should have to handle that on your own." He crossed his arms and looked the other way, trying to keep up his tough guy act. Of course, I could see through it. He seemed concerned... Why, though?

"My snot? What do you mean?"

"You cried all over me after you got home..."

Oh god.. how embarrassing...

"O-oh... I told you what happened? With... Hanako..." just saying her name was difficult. I wasn't even hurt by the fact she broke up with me. I was simply hurt because I knew everything that happened with her was all my fault.

"Yeah.. we both know you made a mistake. So you learned your lesson, right? Never again will we have a repeat of this situation." Normally he would be yelling right now... but he wasn't. He was just very, very, stern.

"Never again, Iwa-chan... I- I promise..." I was getting emotional for some reason. For some reason I couldn't hold back the stream of tears that came pouring down my face. I should have been able to... but my pride was broken. It was shattered. Along with my dignity.

Slowly, I got up from the bathroom floor and walked back to my bed before hopping on it and hiding under the covers. I couldn't be seen like this. I can't be seen while I'm weak.

"Oikawa." I heard my name called strictly, just after I had gotten comfy under my blanket.

"What..?" I asked, my voice thick with the crushing sadness that was rising within me. Why couldn't I hide it?! Normally I would be able to... Normally, this wouldn't be such a big deal.

Then, I decided that I was too vulnerable to be seen right now. Too sad to talk right now. "Just... leave me alone!!"

Instantly, I regretted that.

I regretted lots of things.

"Fine." Stomps could be heard. The harsh stomps of someone who had just put on shoes... had he gotten dressed right in front of me?! Well, I was under the blanket, so at least he knew I couldn't see...

Then, I heard the creak of the door opening followed by the slamming sound of it shutting. I was left alone to weep and lay in my regret.

Why did I do this to myself?

A/N
Hello all!! I hope everyone's safe and healthy! Again, a big thanks to Sophie and Astrid, my editors!