Focal Point

Chapter 2

He coached our travel team. Everything changed when we started playing for school as well. He started pushing Ellie more while forgetting to even coach me. He thought she had a chance at a scholarship. The goal was Stanford, which was ranked number one for women's soccer. Even though UVA in Charlottesville—which was only thirty miles from Waynesboro—was third. There were extra practices, early morning runs—just him and her, and even private coaches. I knew I wasn't great like Ellie, but he never even asked if I was interested. I was good too. And we always played better when we were on the field together. It was like we could read each other's minds. All of her best games, where she scored more than three goals, was because of my assists.

When dad started to pressure her, she rebelled. First in little ways, but when she realized they still saw her as the golden child she rebelled more and more, testing the boundaries of what she could do without getting in trouble. The boundaries were pretty impressive; the only time they cared about what she was doing was when it interfered with her training. I was the one who kept her in line.

I remember one night in particular. I was home from UVA for a weekend during my freshman year—Ellie was in her junior year of high school. She had gone to a party at UVA, and at 2:30, she still wasn't home. Ellie was always home by 1:00, otherwise, she wouldn't be able to get herself up for her morning run. I knew most of the frats but decided to hit up Kai, my best friend since middle school, just to see if he could help. We both lived on campus, but he was pledging one of the fraternities, so he always knew which ones were throwing parties. So, I got in my car and drove forty-five minutes to campus.

I knocked on the door of his room and got no response. Music was blasting from one of the open rooms in the hall. So, after knocking a second time, louder, I checked to see if it was unlocked. The knob turned with my hand and I pushed the door open. The lights were off, but the music was a lot quieter. Stepping into the room, I went to turn on the light to wake Kai up, but as it turns out he wasn't sleeping. He was very much in the middle of something.

"Sorry! I didn't know you had—I was just going to ask—I knocked," I said trying to make an escape, but seemingly tripping over everything on the floor.

"It's fine. We were pretty much finished anyway, right, Kai?" responded a voice that I couldn't see but knew very well.

Technically, Ellie had done nothing wrong. I wasn't dating Kai, nor was he my ex. But it is the only thing I'd ever asked her not to do—not mess with Kai. No matter how this played out someone would get hurt, and I'd lose Kai. Ellie would sleep with him, maybe they'd even date, but eventually, she would get bored and cheat like she usually did—thus ruining my friendship. Or, on the off chance that he broke her heart, I would stand by my sister. And still lose him.

"God, Iris. Ever heard of knocking?" Kai said

"I did. Twice. Ellie, we're leaving. Now."

"I'm okay," Ellie said, lounging unabashedly in the nude.

"I am not Mom and Dad, and you aren't some golden child in my eyes—you're my younger sister. Unless you get your ass up and home now, I am going to tell Dad—"

"You're sure as hell acting like Mom." Ellie flopped out of bed purposely trying to show her annoyance with me.

"And while I might not be privy to your special runs and practices, I do know he always pushes you harder when he knows you've been out all night."

She huffed as she pulled her pants on, mumbled something under her breath, and grabbed her jacket.

"I'll talk to you later," I said over my shoulder, ignoring my sister's mumblings.

"We should do this again sometime, Kai."

We could hear Kai laughing from his bed as I closed the door. I didn't speak or look at her until we got to the car.

The noise from the car as I unlocked it interrupted the silence that had been permeating between us.

"Seriously? Kai? Could you not find literally anyone else? I have never complained about the spot you hold in the family. I have never begrudged the special treatment you received and all I've asked in return is one thing, for you to stay away from Kai."

"It's not my fault you're in love with him and too scared to tell him. And it's also not my fault that he likes me more, or that any guy likes me more. I mean, can you blame them?" she asked, smiling that signature "Ellie Fairer" smile that has gotten her out of plenty of situations.

"You really don't care, do you? You don't care that you did the one and only thing I've asked you not to do? Ever since you were born you have been the center of attention. Everyone always loved you instantly, and they always liked you more than me. Boys always thought you were the cute one. I didn't care though, because I had Kai. And no, despite what you think I don't have a crush on him, but I do love him. He was the only person to pick me over you. And even if it's not true anymore, I don't want to lose my best friend because you screw him over."

Ellie huffed at that supposition. "What makes you think I'm going to screw him over? How do you know he's not going to break my heart?"

"Because we both know you, and we both know him. He, like everyone else you have ever dated, will fall head over heels for you. While you will probably get bored in a few weeks and end up cheating on him."

"Really? That's what you think of me? Not that it is any of your business, but I have had a crush on Kai since seventh grade. And, like you just said, I know him. I wouldn't do that to him."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we told each other everything. At least back then."

"How could I? It is the only thing you have ever asked of me. Am I supposed to tell you about the guy I have a crush on when you've already told me I can't feel that way about him?"

We drove the rest of the way home in silence. I pulled into the driveway and turned to Ellie. "I never would have said that if I knew. If you had just told me back then...I don't know, I might have helped. I could have seen if he liked you. I might not like the situation, but I never want to be someone who keeps you from happiness."

We fell silent like the night around us. The only noise breaking the awkward silence was the noise coming from my left turn signal.

"Do you know why I party?" she asked out of nowhere.

"To see how far you can push the boundaries?"

Ellie scoffs, "When I am at a party at UVA most people don't know me. They don't care who I am or what I do. It's nice to not be some star soccer player. I am just another person at a party. Kai makes me feel that way, 'ya know? Like I'm normal. Just so you know, I wouldn't hurt him. I promise."

"I'll get your car from campus tomorrow. Just try to be quiet and get some sleep. Tomorrow will be hard enough without Dad pushing you harder."

Lying in bed after having snuck back into the house, I thought, why Ellie? I'd been wondering since I found them together. He knew she was a sore spot for me. Was he trying to get a reaction—if so what reaction? I clung to the idea of them together instead of us like a loose thread on an article of clothing. You go to pull it off, but you end up unraveling the whole seam. Was he mad at me for something? Was he mad at me for not doing something? Was it because I didn't go to homecoming with him? Then at three in the morning as I was finally drifting off to sleep it came to me. Does Kai like me? I pushed the idea out of my head as fast as it entered, rolled over, and forced myself to close my eyes and fall asleep.