Focal Point

Chapter 4

With no shock to anyone, Ellie got into Stanford on a full-ride soccer scholarship. The shock came a couple of days after she got in. We were out celebrating, but when we got home there was a voicemail. We don't know how but the Reign FC—Seattle's NWSL team, had seen Ellie play and wanted her to try out for the team. Now she had to decide—her dream, or a dream she'd never even thought of. Dad really started pressuring her. He was talking about how this was a one in a million chance. Why not take the tryout? Who would it hurt? If she didn't make it, she still had Stanford.

The pressure only got worse when Ellie made the team. She wasn't sure if this was what she wanted to do. But dad thought this was an opportunity she just couldn't give up. This led to him pushing her harder—more practices and longer runs to get her in "game shape." All of which led to more arguments between him and our mom. Ellie used to stay the night at my dorm just to escape it all. Eventually, it got to be too much for her, and she did what she always did when she was cornered. She looked for the invisibility she found at packed parties filled with people who didn't know who she was.

About a week after Ellie had got the news. Dad started breathing down her neck telling her how it was more than he had ever imagined, and she should be champing at the bit to take this spot. She was still trying to process it and still trying to decide what she wanted to do. She liked school. She was looking forward to picking her classes, the beaches of California, and all of the other cliché college tropes. So rather than taking a night to really think about it, weigh the pros and cons as I suggested she needed to do, she went out.

It was only one when she called me crying, "Can you come get me? I did something stupid. I told him I'm sorry, but he said he just can't forgive me."

"What? You're not making any sense"

"I-I—" She started to breathe heavily into the phone, like she was about to have a panic attack. "Please just come and get me."

I rolled out of bed, grabbed my keys, and headed out to Greek Row. I found her on the steps outside of Kai's fraternity house. I half-carried, half-walked her back to my dorm.

We got in and I propped her up on my bed and got her a glass of water.

"Okay, calm down and tell me what happened." I rubbed big circles over her back trying to help calm her.

"I was at a party and this guy started dancing with me. Then he started kissing my neck and it felt good. It felt like I was just a girl at the party not like I was Ellie Fairer. I wasn't dealing with this big decision. Then it just felt so good not to be me, so I kissed him back. I was expecting to feel guilty, but I didn't I felt relief. I felt free and I wanted more of that feeling. So, when he asked if I wanted to go to his room, I said yes. Then Kai walked in and just gave me this look of disappointment."

"What were you thinking? It's Kai's frat. Did you really think you weren't going to get caught?"

She couldn't calm herself and started to work herself up more. Almost to the point of incoherency, "I-I-I kn-know, I wa-wasn-n't th-think-i-ing. Bu-but i-it j-just felt so-o go-go-ood. God w-what di-id I do? I need K-Kai. What do y-yo-you thi-ink I sh-should do?"

"Hey, he loves you," I say trying to comfort her. "Honestly though? Go to Stanford. It will give you the summer to make things right with Kai if that's what you want. Being a part of the Reign means leaving soon. It means traveling, frequently changing time zones, and there aren't the same breaks as there are with college. It'll be long-distance with no idea of when you'll see him again."

The next day I sent Kai a text.

—Hey, you okay? Wanna talk?

Yeah. Meet at the diner?—

I left my phone in the car while I was at the diner, not wanting Ellie to interrupt. Checking it, there were fifteen missed calls from my parents followed by a text that said come home as soon as you can.

I feared the worse. I was doing a good twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit, praying whatever was so urgent at home was worth the potential ticket.