two p.m. thoughts; random

xiii; three musketeers

i know i just posted but.. i have something else on my mind.

this is the first time that i'm actually writing this down so, here it goes.

there are three boys who i have on my mind a lot of the time. one more often than the other two but that's for another time.

they all mean something different to me.

one of them is just like me. i would say we think the same, have pretty much the same attitude and approach situations the same.

one of them is like what i want to be. he's always happy and cheerful. talks to everyone and is very much approachable. though he does party and i'm not so into that part, he's always smiling and just trying to have a good time even when everything else is bad.

the last one is a bit tricky. i don't know how to describe him but, all i can say is that he's important to me.

they all have something in common though, i refuse to try anything romantic on them. now i'm not gonna say that at one point or another i didn't have some sort of crush on them, but i am gonna say that it just wouldn't work. there's always something stopping me. it could be myself or someone else.

none of them should be on my mind because i feel like i'm not good enough for that or that i'm gonna hurt someone else.

i don't know what it's like to be with someone, let alone ask someone and them not joke at your face about it.

update a week later:

so the guy who's kind of tricky has pretty much stopped communication with me. i'm not sure if it's what i said? which was only about me being at work. or if he just doesn't want to speak with me. it's fine i guess. i'm just tired of always feeling some type of way. and i have feelings about certain situations that i just want to express, but i'm not all to sure of what to do or if it's even worth it.

i want to try and just focus on me i guess and be who i'm meant to be. starting with talking more with the one who's just like me. and trying to enjoy life with the one that's like who i want to be. we'll see i guess.