New World | SOOKAI

Chapter 3

I had finished my segment of my 2 songs a while ago, but I hadn't left The Black Swan yet. Half of my reason for being there that night was not only to give my parting message to the ears that resided within the establishment, but I also wanted to listen to music too. I was one of the earlier acts and there was still at least another few hours of songs that I sat through. Most of it was quite upbeat in contrast to the dreary sack of emotions I had lugged up onto the stage with me; my sad baggage of hopelessness. The other musicians were much better than I thought I was, more seasoned with experience and stage presence, true professionals. They were all what I had once hoped I would be.

As the minutes ticked down I was approached by a slightly older female during the music, asking if she could buy me a drink through her slurred words with the obviously large amount of the intoxicating substance she already had in her system. The way she boldly placed her hand upon my thigh made it obvious that it wasn't my musical talent that had caught her attention. My polite decline to her invitation was met with a somewhat offended reaction, though she quickly moved onto another man. He was tall, slim, blond, very well dressed and had a smooth charm to him that seemed almost far too matured for his young appearance. I was quietly thankful that he had taken the drunken woman off my reluctant hands for the night.

Another half hour crept by me and the musical events for the evening came to a close. I eventually stood up from my own secluded corner of the room, giving the club one last look over before I made my exit. The night air was chilly and fresh, the thin emerald green jacket I wore was almost not enough for that kind of temperature. I looked back over my shoulder at those large doors I knew I would never again walk through and that small quote above them. I began walking away slowly to my house.

The death of your passion for your talent is more painful than physical death, itself. That man's deciphering message had been floating around the edges of my mind all evening.

"The death of your passion.." I whispered out loud to myself into the night air.

That first death of yourself. Losing your love and motivation for something that had once made you feel alive. The loss of it, more painful than your own mortality. It was something I had always feared would someday consume me; to no longer be able to feel the music. It almost had gotten to that point. It had almost left me, but it was, in a way, my only comfort that remained. It was the only hand that would hold mine as I would enter the afterlife. My only friend. My only true love; first and last, there until the very end. I had never felt more thankful for its existence, even though, sadly enough, it was not enough to save me.. anymore.

I approached a children's playground to my right, the same playground I would often spend my time at as a child with my adoptive mother. She would bring me there whenever my father was being too overbearing towards me. Though she was not my blood, she did care about me, but, like myself, too scared of that abusive man to do anything but run and hide. I used to keep in contact with her after I had left home, but eventually her calls became less frequent, shorter in their duration, until eventually her name no longer appeared as an incoming call to my phone anymore. I couldn't look at the playground as I passed it, the memories of other children staring at my bruises upon my face and arms back then were far too painful to relive.

The chill in the air should have been enough to make me feel awake, but I was tired, in every possible way. I was.. glad for it. It would make my oncoming eternal sleep be that much easier to slip into. I had finally started walking along my own street, my house now only several yards ahead of me. I walked past two cats, one black, one white, sitting on top of my neighbours fence as I approached my house. I suddenly heard them both screech into the night air behind me, the sound filling every inch of the neighbourhood. I stopped and looked back to see what had caused their terrible cries of disdain.