Angst One-Shots || BNHA

13; Sero Hanta

Severely based on how I feel about my lack of pity. I'm using this character because I sorta relate to him (woulda used Mina since I relate to her more but that woulda set me off).
This is kinda a vent.

TW
Self-deprecating thoughts, small mentions of multiple sensitive topics, swearing

|1st Person|
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I looked in the mirror once more. I just didn't understand.

While they talked about how bad they felt for those who suffer every day, I felt nothing. I didn't care. I should've cared, I know I should've cared—

I wanted to know why I didn't care. Abuse, self-harm, murder... I knew it was all wrong and I wanted it to stop, but I just couldn't care.

I was willing to give my life to end this shit, but I didn't feel bad. I couldn't pity them. Sympathy was a different matter, but pity... that should've been the easiest to feel, right? So many people were able to pity others, so why couldn't I? What kind of monster was I?

I knew for a fact that I could never be a sociopath; I felt stuff, I just couldn't feel sorry for anyone but myself. Was I a narcissist? Did I have an ego? Was something wrong with me?

I wanted to feel bad. I wanted to pity people, I really did, but I could only feel bad for myself for not being able to pity people.

It's not normal not to feel pity. Well, I mean, I could feel pity in one situation. When speaking of public humiliation. Thing is, I couldn't feel pity over other, more important things, like suicide or even death in general.

Why was I made like this? I was over here feeling bad about myself over something totally stupid and insensitive while others were being tortured. While others were trying to take their own lives! I'm so fucking selfish!

I forced my eyes away from the glass that was looking back at me. I hated this. I hated myself. I was useless and insensitive and a total douche.

It was scary, to be completely honest. It was scary to know that not even you know yourself. To know that you can't answer every question about your own personality. To never know whether or not you're telling the truth or even if you're still hiding behind that persona from fifth grade.

I laid on the floor and raised my hands high. These hands would do good things. These hands would save people. My mind, though...

I'm not passionate about this. Simply wishing to help others doesn't make it a passion, but I'm still working to dedicate my life to this. Even though I really don't care about all this crime and stuff, I'm still assisting in stopping it. I don't know why. I want a reason, a real reason, but I cannot find one.

So damn useless. All of it is useless. Everything in this stupid world is worthless. Everyone. Thing is, I was worse. I was worse than a lot of them.

I'm worse than Midoriya. He's like, the definition of a hero. Way worse than Momo; at least she can care. Even Bakugou can pity, he just doesn't show it! Why do I have to be left out of this?

I clenched my fists and reopened them. I hated looking at my hands, but they'd done so much for me... I didn't deserve my hands. I didn't deserve anything.

I was a bad person, wasn't I? That's what everyone would think if I were to come up to them explaining their issues and say, "I don't care. I can't care."

I could already imagine their disgusted and angry faces. I could already see the pointing fingers and tears of those offended by me. I felt bad when I didn't even do anything. Or maybe that was the problem...

I flinched when I heard a knock on my door. I got up and wiped my wet eyes. Crying over your own insensitivity? Pathetic. That's really selfish of a hero, huh? I went to open the door.

"Hey, Sero, you okay? I heard you talking to yourself; didn't understand any of it though." Mina said. "And you haven't come out for a while; that's kinda unlike you. Is something wrong?"

"Nah," I gave her a wide smile. "Perfectly fine! See? It's nothing to worry about, I'm just doing some self-reflection."

"Alright then. Just... make sure to say if something's bothering you. We're here for you."

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm just kinda tired." I told her, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Oof. I'll let you sleep then." She smiled.

"Mhm. Thanks." She waved as I closed the door.

You might be here for me, but will I be there for you?

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Word count: 746