First There Was You

Chapter 22: Elle

July 8

Palgrave, Ontario

Sitting on the fence waiting for the ring to open so I can walk my course, I sip the Gatorade Hudson brought over for me.

Yesterday, we'd been at one of his polo match practices where he'd scored three goals. It had been a fantastic day, and he'd been on cloud nine.

He slept over last night, and I talked to him about the drama with Chiara and Greyson. His wide-eyed silence as I'd told my story had been a relief. I'm glad to know I hadn't totally overreacted. Hudson, as always, had talked me calmly and logically through my concerns.

I cycle through the discussions we'd had last night in my head. I try to focus on the facts, rather than emotion.

Fact: I can't change the past.

Fact: Greyson apologized for his treatment of me last year sincerely, and I'd chosen to forgive him.

Fact: He's done nearly everything he promised to show me how much I mean to him and how serious he's taking our relationship this summer.

Fact: He's assured me he wants us to stay together in the fall.

Fact: He'd apologized for involving me in this drama.

Fact: He's promised to address rumors head-on.

Fact: He's made himself vulnerable to me a few times, telling me he needs me, starting to let me in, even if it's not as much as I'd like, it's a start.

Fact: He's still closed off, despite his promise to open up, let me in.

Fact: He's spent time with, then ditched two other girls in addition to me, within a year. That I know of.

Fact: I'm crazy about him. Knowing this, does anything else even matter? Am I just a big chicken?

Hudson didn't seem to fully understand all of my reservations, but still thinks I should be careful. But, how can I know I'm not part of a bigger pattern? Did he spend time with girls before me and then ditch them? Was I the first in the chain of destructive behavior? What if he does it again?

Hudson bumps me with his shoulder lightly, pulling me out of my thoughts and bringing me back to the present, where I should be. I need to focus on my next class.

"Chels is running late, Elle. She just texted you." Hudson holds up my phone before sliding back into his jeans pocket.

"Thanks," I look over to where Mum is holding Kuna over in the shade of a small grove of trees, letting him munch happily on some grass.

"As soon as the course opens, will you walk it with me? I hope Chels will be here, but if not, I need to find another coach to walk with."

"Don't be nervous, Elle. It's just like you do at home. You jump higher than this all the time. I've watched you and Kuna fly over a hundred jumps bigger than these."

I don't tell him the jumps he's looking at haven't been raised yet. "I know, I always get like this. It's fine. I just don't see why it was this weekend that Mum insisted I do the meter forty class as well."

"Shake it off, Ellie. Don't let yourself get swallowed up by your nerves."

I lean against his shoulder for a moment. "I know Kuna can do it, but the courses can be longer, more complex too. Pass me my phone?"

I quickly pull up the picture I took of the course design. Today, we have fourteen jumps and a seventy-six-second time limit. The jump-off has eight jumps and a forty-four-second limit.