Lock and Key

Chapter 9

It's dark here. Darker than I have ever experienced. Darker than the eyes of my assailants. For a second I have no idea where I am. I'm stuck somewhere and I can't see where the exit is. All I know right now is that I got away from him, for now. I can't stand to be around him right now. He has the audacity to say something like that to me. That I owe him something after what he told me. Sure, I wanted to know. And sure, I would've told him if he hadn't have exploded in my face.

He should know that sometimes I need time to process and calm down. He knows that. What really pushed me over the edge was him yelling at me. I could understand if he was upset with me, for whatever reason. But did he have to yell? I can't handle yelling, it makes me feel panicked. Petrified. Anxious. I shriveled up inside myself, going back on the little progress I had made in that little time.

Running makes me feel free, unrestricted. I am able to think clearly when I am running away from something. I am away from danger, I can think now. I can think about my next move and what I can do to make it happen. After that moment of weakness, I know for sure that I need to change something about myself if I want to see any real change in myself and the situations around me. I need to be brave. Fearless. Gallant. I need to be someone who isn't Andrea Scott. I need to be someone who I never thought I could allow myself to be.

After having the biggest explanation of motivation I have ever had, I decided to find a way out of this small hole I put myself in. I looked around, seeing no light whatsoever. You would think that I would remember where I hid from Ryder. Maybe I passed out or something, I have no idea. But I guess we'll find out when I get myself out of this crevice of space. I felt my hands around the small space, looking for a lever or zipper or even a door handle. Nothing. All I could feel was cold metal and some sort of cardboard box feeling. I am huddled into myself, trying not to lift my head, otherwise, I would hit the top of whatever I was in. Only one side of the "walls" felt like it was made of metal. It felt rusted and gross. Something that should never feel that gross and I will never touch ever again.

I pulled my fingers along the chilled hardware and got all the way to the end where the corners met. But there was a space instead of a corner. The cardboard-like material curved out, giving a small space to stick my fingers through. There was a sharp breeze that cooled my sweating fingers. I felt the outside, along the sides of wherever I was. There were flaps on one side while the metal continues.

After feeling around for a few minutes, I felt very stupid for not figuring it out earlier.

I was in a cardboard box.

Behind a dumpster.

How stupid could I have been to not have figured out that I was in a small cardboard box for who knows how long? I am so glad that no one was here to see me struggle inside a box for a good fifteen minutes.

As I got out, the light hit me like a hammer. Hard and direct. It felt so nice to have pure warmth on me for once in my life. For once, I know what it feels like to be hugged by compassion and sincerity. For once, I know what it's like to feel cared for and feel stable. I don't want it to end.

I just want to go somewhere where no one can ever find me and I can live a happy and somewhat normal life with the sun and myself. Sit in it all day and never have to think about anything else. Just me and the sun, forever.

I realize that I am in an alleyway, not too far from the street. The sun was in a different position when I ran away from Ryder, so this might be the next day, or next week, I don't know. I can never keep track of time anymore. He must be worried about me, wondering where I am. And I'm wondering where he is too. Is he looking for me? Does he even care that I left? Does he even miss me? Because I miss him. I miss holding his hands. They were always so warm and welcoming.