Around the Bend - A Confessional

Heartbroken

I am the sunflower

that gets picked to pieces

but never kept

I exist in an empty void

as dark and lonely as space,

but at least

the stars have each other.

when you think of me

I hope you see the sun

and remember that each day,

it always comes back for you.

In the nighttime, I am bereft.

My fears of abandonment are stronger,

introduced to me when my father left.

settling in my mind, and I can no longer

see that I am worthy.

You, into my mind, you seep

our memories are no longer blurry,

under the sheets, I cry myself to sleep.

            -an acrostic poem

Back and forth

like a swing set of sort.

only when I fall off,

the ground is more soft

than the emptiness you leave behind.

I once dreamt up a future

with our kids, me, and you.

but it was a form for torture,

because somehow I knew

that we'd never last.

By now, I should have an irrational fear

of airplanes,

because they always take

the people that I love

away.

in the indefinite shallows of your stream,

I would not mind drowning.

because at least I would die,

embraced by you.

my best days

are the ones that I'm dreaming.

of you.

the sun embraces my skin

and it feels like being loved by you,

but each day the sun sets,

and reality sets in.

You and I exist together

in the twilight.

but then, you're gone.

if there is such a line between love and hate,

I wish that I could erase it completely,

so that you'd come back to me.

there is no easy decision

for someone like you,

who appears to be so good and so moral.

because even if you do hurt me,

I asked for it.

in your embrace,

late at night,

was the only reassurance,

that you ever gave.

And I,

I gave you everything,

always.

I am not easy to love.

or so I've been told.

the dings, the scratches, the scrapes and the holes

that line the walls within my home

do you they make you feel powerful?

like a king on a throne?

the dings, the scratches, the scrapes and the holes

that line the walls within my home

only serve to inline me to reach my goals

because I am no mistress for a man to control.

I could have been the most powerful orgasm in your life

but you were not in the mood.

the cottonmouth that I get in the mornings

are hard for me to determine

whether it comes from your memory,

or the alcohol that I used to drown it.

"I don't think that I can

                        commit

                                    myself to you forever."

                                                -heartbreak

the words that he used to whisper to me,

sounded like the acoustic of your favorite song.

so raw and so true.

-duplicity

I have a list somewhere

of all of the things I said I'd never forgive you for

and somewhere on it,

it says

"for never letting me go."

one thousand four hundred and forty-three miles away,

and "I miss you"

is the only thing I can say.

in the traffic, I look around.

I'm looking for you.

but instead,

I see the faces of people just like me,

wishing, hoping, and praying

for someone they miss also.

what can fix a broken heart,

a smile

a laugh

a tear

a breath

or anything

that clears your head.

I was the honey

that you put in your coffee,

but I guess you finally found something else,

to brighten your day.