Out of Breath

Chapter 14

"Hey Tesla, "Stewie says, "come home with us. We got a great game waiting." The bus creaks and tosses us around. Raven sits alone behind me.

My hand rolls the onyx stone in my pocket. I guess I can miss a day fishing with Desdemona. Exhaustion tries to shut my eyes. I feel wiped. I wish I had an Ener-Fiz.

"What about Nutter?" I ask Stewie as my heart speeds up. If he gets the chance, he might kill me. He is deathly mad at me. I guess I don't blame him. I hadn't meant for him to lose his hand. I was only trying to help.

"You don't have to worry about him. Now he lost his hand, he just stays inside and plays video games all day."

"How does he do it with one hand?" I ask.

"Well, there are only a few he can play, so he does. Plus, Bumpuses are innovated."

"That you are."

Butter comes over and greets me. I can't believe what I see in the Bumpuses' yard. Sure, they are backward, but this blows me away, and I was sure there wasn't much left they could do to blow me away.

Piled in the middle of their yard are at least a hundred toilet lids.

"What the heck are those?" I shout out. Is there honestly a pile of toilet lids in their yard?

"Those are toilet seats."

"I know that!" I yell. "But why?"

The heat of the sun penetrates my skin. The intensity feels like it's burning a hole on my neck. I would take a rainstorm.

"Well, you see," Butter says with a gleam in his eye. "I drove to town yesterday for an icey..."

"You drove?" I interrupt. The imagery astounds me. Backward Butters, not even old enough to drive, cruising to town in a car. I guess if a cop saw him, Butter looks big enough to pass as sixteen.

"Yup," he says as he proudly shoves his hands into his front pockets. His oversize pants swamp him. They look like they belonged to his papa.

"Where did you get a car?" I ask.

"Are you kidding me? Look around. We are surrounded by cars."

Yes, his yard is an automobile graveyard. Broken, rusty cars litter the entire property. "I didn't know any of them worked."

"They work well enough."

Suddenly the vision of Butter and me cruising around town in a car excites me as my heart races in anticipation. Maybe he can take me to town sometime.

"Anyways," Butters says as he drapes his arm over my shoulders. "I parked at the Floridian Hotel and noticed they had thrown all these toilet seats away. Now, I couldn't let such a find go to the dump. I had to rescue them." Butter bends over and picks up a toilet seat and caresses it like it was a dog.

"I couldn't let them throw you away, now could I boy," he says in a baby voice.

"Dude, that is disgusting," I say, slugging him in the arm. That was a mistake. Before I can blink, he pins me to the ground.

You never egg-on a Bumpus unless you are prepared for a whooping in return.

"Hey, Tesla is here!" Scooby and Squishy say, running towards me. They dogpile me before I have a chance to get up. The very act seems an open invitation to the rest, and Global, Pooch, and Prairie join the pile. My arm twists behind my back.

"Mercy," I scream. This only encourages them.

"No Mercy! Keep him down," Maxi yells from across the yard and dives onto the pile. The foot in my rib kills it. An elbow jams into my eye. Undoubtedly, someone busted my nose.