Half of my heart

The only one I want

I love my job. Working with 5 of my best friends, doing what I love to do most and making people laugh is amazing. The thrill of each live show is one of the best feelings ever. That said, it takes a lot. Everyday you go on set read the weeks scrip, go over the lines and film it in front of the live audience. It takes up a lot of time and energy, and I sometimes feel like I spend more time than I should on it, but at the same time, it is my job. Brad and I hardly ever fight, but before I left today we had it out, and it's been bothering me all day. He gets mad about me working so much and not being at home. I try to tell him it's for my job, and he understands, but he's worried about me. He's worried I work too hard, don't sleep enough, all the kinds of things that are extremely hard to be mad at him for. Tonight is Friday, our recording night and he's supposed to come to see this one, but I'm not sure that he will.

I sit in my dressing room trying to calm my nerves as I do every week. They're going to be getting us ready soon and I still haven't gotten the text from Brad that he's here, or his good luck text. That itself makes me so much more nervous because I feel on the verge of a breakdown over all of this and it makes me feel like I can't act right. Just as I'm about to get up knowing they're going to be calling us to get on stage soon my door opens and I see Brad.

"Hey" he says in a sorrow voice as he makes his way over to me "I'm sorry about earlier. I know this is your job, but I really worry that sometimes you spread you self too thin."

All of the anger I have towards him leaves me. I really can't be mad at home because he cares about me, can I? "You don't have to apologize. I just need to figure out a way to relax more."

He pulls me closer to him wrapping his arms around me and kissing me "Well, soon you'll have a break. A little over a month, right?"

I smile. It's either he really does remember my schedule, or he just can't wait for me to be home more "Yeah, I'm going to miss them like crazy though." This season is over soon which means I get a long break to just relax and be with Brad and thinking about being with him is the best feeling. He leaves to go out to watch and I go out when they're ready.

We go through our lines, messing up and making the audience laugh. There's one line I have to say that makes Lisa laugh every time and when she laughs I laugh too. Her laugh is so contagious and it takes forever to get over it.

It must just be one of those days because one of us messes up every scene. It feels like it's going to take forever to get though this episode but that means it'll be more fun. The writes and director work furiously rewriting a part of the next scene. What they had wasn't suiting the audience so much so they asked a few people for some help and told us our new lines. I watch from behind scenes as Courteney and Matthew do the last scene. They're always so happy when they're working together and they bounce off of each other so well.

I feel strong arms wrap around my waist and Brad's head lay on my shoulder "You were amazing, like always." He says sweetly before kissing me.

"I had to be. I knew you were sitting there watching me." I wrap my arms around his back and stand like that for a while "I don't want to leave, but I have to go back out soon." I sigh knowing they'll be calling my name at the end of the show. Brad just tightens his grip holding me as long as he can. We hear my name called and I try to go, but he doesn't let me go before kissing me quickly. I finally break free and walk out on stage.

The audience claps and yells excitedly and the last name is finally called. We all stand together and take a bow before waving again at the audience and walking back stage. We all leave knowing we'll be back again on Monday. I'm the last one and Brad already left since he drove separately. I wanna go home, but it's a nice place for me to think when there's nobody else here.

This season is over in like 2 weeks and then we only have 3 more seasons left. It saddens me in some ways, but at the same time, Brad and I can do what we've always wanted and have our family. The writers have asked me about Rachel being pregnant next season and how I feel about it and I haven't told Brad. I know this would be a chance for us to start a family, but I don't know if we're ready yet. It would really be great because I wouldn't have to hide a pregnancy, and we really want a baby. I think I know what I want to do.

I get in my car and drive home thinking about what I've decided. To me, it's what's best for us, and I can't wait to talk to Brad about it. I know Brad wants a baby now, but I think he'll be okay with my plan. As I pull up to our house I admire the beautiful landscape around it. Brad did it all himself when we moved in to surprise me. I go through our gate and park my car then get out and walk in the side door to the kitchen.

"Hey, babe." Brad greets me when I walk in. He walks over to the table where I pull a chair out to sit.

I change the mood to serious and set my purse down in front of me reaching across the table to hold Brad's hands "We really need to talk." I wait for him to say something, but he just nods so I go on "The writers want to have Rachel pregnant next season, and they asked me if I'm up to doing that. They want to do it so we have a chance to have a baby without worrying about the show."

"And?" He asks hopefull.

"Well, I didn't tell them because I wanted to talk to you first, but I want to do it. We really want a baby and this would work out good." I look at him to see he has the biggest smile on his face. He's been hinting at this since the day we got married.

He walks around the table to where I am and hold my face in his hands kissing me with such passion then looks in my eyes "Let's do it."