Jimin woke up to a throbbing headache and a damp pillow. He still felt empty and numb. He let go of the one thing he truly fell in love with. He loved Yoongi more than he loved to dance. He was Jimin's muse, but it needed to end. He was like heroin to Jimin, addicting enough to destroy himself for just one more high. Coming down from Yoongi was like plummeting to the bottom of the ocean and slowly suffocating. He knew it was too dangerous to keep going, but he didn't know how to stop himself.
He threw himself into the shower, quietly sobbing into the wall until he had to get out. A quick glance at the mirror told him he wasn't looking any better than he felt, so he decided to complete the look with a hoodie and baggy sweatpants. Jimin grabbed his bag and heaved his lifeless body to the bus stop.
He saw Yoongi's car go by. Yoongi didn't look at him like he usually did. Jimin saw his bloodshot, empty eyes and felt his heart drop. He tried to tell himself that it needed to be over.
I am not a toy. I am worth more than that.
Jimin walked onto the bus, feet like iron bars, becoming heavier with each step. Jungkook met his eyes with a bright smile, but the smile quickly faded as he saw Jimin's condition. Jimin plopped down beside him.
Within one day Jimin and Jungkook switched places. He became the one with headphones in, turned all the way up. Jungkook saw this, but chose not to ask any questions.
The ride was as quiet as usual, but Jimin felt so empty the whole way. He wasn't ready to be greeted by Tae's beaming, boxy smile. Tae always knew how to cheer him up, but he didn't want to be cheered up. Jimin wanted to sit in his feelings for a bit. He needed to remember this feeling in case he ever wanted to be with Yoongi again.
Tae met the two as they got off the bus, smiling as always. Jimin faked a smile to appease him. Tae walked with Jungkook to his first period and Jimin knew they had fallen for each other. It stung his heart a little, but he was happy Tae found someone who made him smile. He deserved the whole world and more.
The whole school day felt like a blur. He distracted himself with Twitter and uselessly scrolling on Instagram. He didn't care if he got in trouble, the day couldn't get any worse. The dreaded math class came and he was one of the first students in class. He sat at the back, hoping it'd draw less attention to his disheveled appearance. Yoongi walked in, laughing with his friends. He immediately stopped when he saw Jimin. Their eyes locked for a few seconds before his friends asked what was wrong. Yoongi quickly replied, "Nothing."
Jimin felt dangerous that afternoon so he made a Tinder. He aimlessly swiped on multiple people, but none really impressed him. A lot of average looking guys and girls wanting to hook up. Jimin knew he didn't need a hook up, but he really wanted one. A boy came on the screen and Jimin almost gasped at the photos of him. He was gorgeous. Jimin didn't even care to look at his name.
Math finally ended and Jimin practically ran to the student parking lot. Tae and Jungkook were waiting for him at his car. They both beamed together, like they were made to make each other the happiest people on the planet. The second Jimin got in the car Tae decided to play all of his favorite songs to cheer him up. Tae always knew how to make him smile. Jimin was singing at the top of his lungs with two of the most kindhearted people he had ever met and he felt a weight lift off his shoulders, even if it was just for one car ride.
The second Jimin stepped into his empty house he felt the previous dread wash back over him. He knew he shouldn't miss Yoongi, but he couldn't help it. His legs struggled up the stairs to his bedroom. He dropped his bag to the ground with a small thud. He threw himself onto his bed and curled into a ball.
Like a movie montage, every memory he had with Yoongi played in his head. The first time they met; their first kiss; when Yoongi told him he loved him. Every memory that used to be so happy was now bittersweet. He sobbed in his bed, mourning his first real love.
Suddenly, he heard his phone go off. He reached for it as he wiped away the snot coming out of his nose. His brows furrowed as he opened the notification. It was Tinder. Jimin decided to look at the message.
"hey cutie, I bet you've got a tight ass lets hook up"
He groaned in disgust. Jimin fell onto his back and started swiping. He didn't even bother looking at faces anymore. Matches would pop up, but he'd just keep swiping. "Oh shit!" He thought to himself. He swiped on the one person he was trying to avoid. There was no way to unswipe. He was stuck. Yoongi will probably see it and ignore it.
A small sound came from his window. He looked outside to see Yoongi. At his window. Jimin jumped back, falling off his bed. Yoongi opens the window and climbs inside.
"You know, you should probably lock your windows. Wouldn't want some creep coming in here without your permission." Jimin rolled his eyes. He dusted off his pants and fixed his hair. "I saw you matched with me on Tinder. What happened to Tinder being a place for sad, desperate place for thirsty straight people?"
"What do you care? It was an accident. Get out." Jimin's words stung. Not just Yoongi, they hurt Jimin to say. He took a step back, realizing how close he was to Yoongi. He hung his head like a kicked puppy and slowly turned back to the window.
"I will fix this, Jimin. I'm just gonna say my piece and go. I'm sorry and I will find a way to make up for how shitty I've been to you these past few years. I meant it when I said I love you. That wasn't a sad attempt at getting you to stay. I love you. I've been awful to you and you deserve better, but I will make myself better. I want to be the man you deserve. I went to an AA meeting. I'm taking the steps I need to take to be better for you. I love you. I will always love you."
Yoongi made his way out of the window. Just before shutting it, Jimin mumbled, "I love you too." He kept his smile in until he climbed down, but that was all Yoongi needed to hear. Unbeknownst to Jimin, he had just gotten back from a meeting. They both spent all night in bed thinking about each other and all the possibilities they would have together.
