Ineffably Yours (Ineffable Husbands AU Week 2020)

2• Opposite Sides (Of The Fence) (5,000 Words)

Aziraphale was many things. He was kind. He was generous. He was smart. He was patient. Although, that last one wasn't so accurate anymore. No, not since Anthony J. Crowley had moved into the house next door. The skinny redhead sauntered into the neighborhood two months ago and ever since, Aziraphale's life has been a living Hell. Now it must be said, Anthony was never a jerk to Aziraphale in a direct manner. He just had some incredibly annoying habits which made Aziraphale's insomnia even worse. Suffice to say, the blond man hadn't expected his peaceful retirement from the bakery and his collecting hobby to be ruined by a handsome stranger.

He was a nocturnal menace as far as the antique collector was concerned. Whether he worked at all was a mystery to Aziraphale for the first few days. The car never left the driveway while the sun was out, but as soon as the sun set, all sorts of noises came out of that house. Noises which mainly bothered Aziraphale, since the redhead's was the last house on that street, standing between Aziraphale's and the bit of untamed wilderness at the very end of the neighborhood.

He played loud music at all hours of the night during the week. He'd go into the garden after midnight with a huge industrial lamp and whatever dirt he moved near the fence, somehow ended up on Aziraphale's backyard. There were nights where the scrawny man dragged that same lamp out to the driveway and used it to illuminate him while he worked on his car. Said light drove Aziraphale's cat crazy some nights. Poor thing thought he needed to protect his owner from whatever it was, so he wouldn't stop growling and hissing at it. Of course, there was no way a tiny, white munchkin cat with big green eyes and a fluffy tail was an intimidating guard, but Oscar certainly tried.

Anthony had a pet too, a massive dog. A frighteningly gorgeous beast of a pit-bull. As black as night, with blue eyes that stared right into your soul and a growl which could stir you to your very core. Based on the yelling he'd hear from time to time, Aziraphale gathered the dog's name was Mercury. She would bark up a storm every day for one reason or another, which irritated Aziraphale as much as it did Oscar. With the barking mainly happening during the day, Queen, Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses and Kiss playing by night, the retired pastry chef felt like he didn't get any peace anymore.

One day, he had enough and decided that Anthony needed a bit of his own medicine. He had a stereo of his own, so he put it to good use one day. He pointed it towards his neighbor's house during the day, practically out the window, playing the loudest version of Beethoven he had ever heard. Aziraphale was feeling rather smug about it. That is, he was very smug about it, until three days after he started doing it, when the angry redhead was knocking on his door. Well, 'pounding' would be a more accurate term for it.

Aziraphale was momentarily scared. In the past, there had been glares, rude gestures but never any confrontation. So when he opened the door and Anthony was there, looking like he had just woken up, stumbled out of bed and dragged himself next door. And no sunglasses either, that was a first. His eyes were a gorgeous shade of amber.

"Mr. Crowley, what-"

"Fell, we have a problem." He supplied with a scowl.

The blond tilted his head a bit, feigning ignorance. "Do we? Care to enlighten me?"

"Your cat's in my house-" He started.

"He's what?! With your dog?!" Asked Aziraphale, absolutely horrified.

"Yeah, you'll want to see this." He said, not alarmed in the slightest, unlike Aziraphale.

He should've known the music war was a bad idea. He simply assumed Oscar would stay upstairs in his room, away from the loud music. No, he accidentally drove out his cat from his own home while trying to annoy his neighbor. He felt so foolish but he couldn't dwell on that too much. For all he knew, his cat was in trouble.