Subject One

IV. Coffee

I'm not about to be left here. What if there's another gravity shift? I don't know enough to understand when it's coming or how to deal with it properly. I rush after Luca and Mafiona on shaky legs, keeping a fair distance behind them so they don't notice me. Beings bustle around in a chaotic, almost suffocating, mess. Some nurse wounds. Cut up legs, dislocated arms, some unconscious. Others desperately try to help one another and some pick up the pieces of machinery that seem important. It looks like Judgement Day. I tear my eyes away from the mess, and lock onto Luca and Mafiona. They rush ahead, straight to the Operation Room. The two coworkers dash inside, not stopping to shut the door fully. The door starts to close on its own, and I speed up to catch it just in time, my fingers barely forcing it open. I shut the door behind me, and glance around for them.

Mafiona is yelling at Renji, who, in his desperation, is practically crawling toward the operating table. Luca is already on top of him, forcing him down into the crisp white tile. Renji is bigger in size and he's making ground towards the small form being operated on. The surgeon's working on her keep tearing their gaze away from the child to eye the brawling man making his way towards them.

"Renji, stop! You'll do more harm than good." Luca cries.

"My baby." Renji cries out, tears streaming down his cheeks in sheer panic and shock.

The little girl on the operating table, who I'm assuming is Nel, is missing half of an arm and has a large, blotchy wound on her side. She doesn't look more than four years old. And Renji is making ground. I can't imagine how he feels, and I understand that he wants to be by his daughter's side, but in this environment, he needs to stay away. The doctors operating on her are nervous enough as it is, especially with the threat of another possible gravity shift looming over their heads, sharp tools in hand.

"I dropped her. I had her in my arms, and then she was just gone..." Renji starts talking to himself. "I had her... I had her." He keeps dragging himself closer to the operating table, with Luca still on top of him. It's slowing him down, but he's still making progress. Judging by the crazed look in his eye, he's not giving up any time soon. I walk toward the scuffle.

"She fell, and her arm got caught on a wire... ripped it right off." He cries, "I saw the whole thing."

Mafiona stops shouting, and Luca loosens his hold. Brute force isn't going to be enough to hold this man back from his child. The two seem at a loss for words.

I stride into the fray while the doctors fiercely work on the dying little girl. Renji is feet away from the operating table and the surgeon's are on edge. One of them drops a scalpel to the ground, spattering the white tile with drops of red blood. I crouch down, right in front of Renji, between him and his daughter. Mafiona and Luca stare at me, mouths agape, as if they couldn't believe I was able to pass under their detection. Luca takes some of his weight off of Renji but hovers just above. I ease my hand down onto Renji's shoulder and clutch it. He seems so shocked that he can't move. I'm just a test subject, after all, what do I know?
"I know what you're going through Renji." I say.

The tears continue to flow from his eyes, and he shakes with both fear and rage, but he listens. I've had many conversations like this before, in my past. I can't recall a single instance, but I remember these talks as a whole, remember what I needed to say in order to do what was right, or what was necessary.

"It's your fault," I tell him. "I can be a good person and tell you that it isn't, but it is. It's your fault that your child is here, and there isn't anything you can do about it. But you need to accept that loss, that shame, or your daughter will be in jeopardy." I extend my other hand out and point at the doctors, who are working furiously against the clock. "They are taking good care of her, and they will do the best that they can. But they can't do their best with you here. So, leave." I detach my hand, and Renji slumps down, face flat on the ground, his shoulders heaving. I look up at Luca, still on Renji's back like a baby monkey, who just stares at me with a look in his eyes that I can't identify. He rises and collects his bearings before reaching down, scooping up Renji by his underarms and slowly, but surely, dragging him out of the Operation Room. Luca gives me a loaded look and then mouths a subtle "thank you."