To Be Determined

Chapter Nineteen: The Shimmer

We followed Ben and Asha in our packed vehicle on the drive to return Nicolaj's minivan, which was used to return me to the STEM city during my danse macabre. With Iliad back in the realm of the living, we were free to go wherever we please, as long as it was not within the confines of Lochean state lines. Uncertain of the future as we were, we were happy as could be. I did not know if this happiness was true at heart, however. Whatever charm the Devil placed over Iliad was stronger than anything that I can comprehend. Ben described it as pure and unflawed, something only a powerful otherworldly entity could place. As much as he wanted to free me, this did nothing but perpetuated the ouroboros of an identity crisis. Once more I did not know when others ended and I began.

Despite this, the ride was filled with easy silence as Iliad drove the winding scenic route. I watch the jagged mountains go past in awe as we drive, remembering the summers that Asha and I spent wandering among the pines.

"You grew up near here, right?" Iliad asks, breaking the silence. His left hand held steadily on the steering wheel, the right holding my hand.

"I think so... I do not know exactly where we lived before Lochea but it was nearby. All that I remember were the summers in the mountains. Looking back, so many memories were magical. The old voices in the wind, the stories the trees would tell through their rings and roots, the lights in the skies, and the bugs at dusk. Asha bloomed there, I suppose I did too."

"We could go there. The two of us, secluded from the world, making our way."

"Maybe for a visit. I don't know if I am ready to live that far from civilization quite yet."

"I'm just saying darling, I think it is best if we keep out of the public eye for a while. I fear that I have made us both quite infamous."

"Was infamy not the plan all along?"

"No. Nothing went according to plan, but because of you, the general well being of Lochean society is far better than any plan that I could have made. That's good, right? You want everything in life good don't you?"

"I wanted everything right. I suppose that I did that. It is only right that I, myself, be shut out from the world. Last time I tried to challenge that it only made things worse."

"Your newfound melancholia is disheartening. Something is wrong, something that you aren't talking to me about. There was a time where the two of us in our own world would have sounded like paradise."

"It still does, believe me. It's just that... Nothing makes sense, with the Devil I mean. The deal that he gave you was very typical. You got exactly what you asked for and in return, he slipped through a loophole. He gave you a curse wrapped in gift paper. With me though? He gave in too easily. Maybe he didn't want me meddling around anymore but even then he might have put on a bit more of a show."

"Maybe giving you the illusion that you had power over him was the show?"

"Perhaps. I just have a feeling that there is a missing piece to this puzzle that we aren't seeing. Like, this whole thing should have passed over now. Thanks to the palace and that kill switch that you put in the Pandemics system, we saved the day. All four of us are alive and well, I don't understand why I can't just let this whole thing go and think about our future."

"I apologize for the inconvenience. When you don't think about the future your life tends to plan itself. Once we give Momma Leone another visit you might have a better idea of what you want."

That was our next stop. It was on the way to Springdale and there was no hurry to return the vehicle, especially during the daytime. Asha and Ben use Momma Leone's house as a home base in between adventures, it's their home away from the world. So we are driving them there, seeking some old advice. Before I know it we venture down a dirt road that hardly looks safe to drive down. My breath feels heavy and weighed down as Iliad parks the SUV, the top of the house just visible through the trees.