I wake up in a haze, feeling strong pain in my head. I open my eyes and look around. I'm surrounded by doctors, Meredith is sleeping in a chair next to me. "Dr. Shepherd? Can you hear me?" A blonde doctor in light blue scrubs says. In a raspy voice I respond "yeah". Meredith wakes up and smiles "Amy!" She says standing up. I smile awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "Helm, page neuro" Meredith says.
"Do you know where you are?" A male doctor asks, looking into my eyes with a bright light. I rack my brain for the answer but I can't seem to figure it out. "Not really" I say, looking around. Meredith has her hands clenched In front of her. "Do you know who I am?" He asks, my answer is the same. I know he's a doctor, my doctor. "Where's Derek? Someone should get him." I say, immediately regretting it. Meredith and the male doctor exchange a series of concerning looks. "What?" I ask, now confused. "Dereks dead, he died 5 years ago..." Meredith says. "No he didn't I just saw him yesterday" I say, recalling my memories from the previous day. "What year is it Amelia?" Meredith asks, now pacing slowly around my bed. "It's 2015 right?" I say, pretty sure of my answer. I'm not dumb. "No.. it's not.." Meredith says looking at the doctor next to me.
"You're telling me I just straight up forgot 5 whole years of my life because you fucked up my brain?" I say looking at Tom, who recently introduced himself as a friend of mine. He puts his head in his hands and says "there was a complication in the middle of the surgery but.. I was pretty positive it wouldn't affect you at all." I bite my lip, holding back any comment I have. "You remember Christopher right?" Meredith asks from outside the door of my hospital bed. "Yes of course... wait how old is he? Cause if I skipped 5 years wouldn't that make him 6?" Meredith looks down at her feet and says "he wants to see you can I let him in?" I nod my head yes.
After a few hours of hanging with Chris, small moments start coming back to me. Seconds of memories I used to have, then they're done. I'm still lost, memory wise. I'm just confused. A blonde woman walks in, I immediately notice her eyes. A sort of piercing blue that you could never forget. I smile at her and she smiles back. "Arizona!" Chris says, hugging her. "I'm assuming you don't remember me but... I'm your girlfriend. I'm Arizona Robbins." She says to me, sitting in the chair Meredith was previously sleeping in. DAMN. I got myself a hot girlfriend apparently, it's too bad I can't remember any of it.
"And this was a few months ago, You, Me and Christopher got ice cream for dinner." She says swiping to a photo on her phone of me and him sitting on a bench. I look a little different than what I remember. I look a little older (of course) and my hair is shorter. Now I have no hair, Chemo. "Wow" I say, smiling at the photo. "I wish I could remember this..." I say, trying to hold back tears. I'm not even sad, just frustrated. I never wanted this surgery anyways, or so I was told I didn't want it. "In good news, Tom got the whole tumor. You're cancer free!" She says holding my hand tightly and moving her thumb back and forth. I smile, not knowing how long this whole cancer thing has taken. I don't remember any of it, which is probably for the best.
A few days later
I get to go home today, I have weekly appointments with Tom for a while but I'm mostly free. I probably could drive but Arizona wants to drive us home. She pulls in the driveway of the house and Chris runs in from the back seat. I sit for a while, staring through the window. Arizona turns to me and says "what's wrong darling?" I look over at her, then down at her lips. I bite mine and then lean in. Her lips are soft against mine, her skin warm. I pull away and she looks away. "That didn't help you remember did it?" She says. She knew my plan, I had thought maybe JUST MAYBE kissing her would bring it all back. It would be the key to unlock this mysterious gap of 5 years but, no. "I'll call you later" I say, walking up the driveway and I'm the house.
