𝐽𝐴𝑆𝑃𝐸𝑅 | jasper hale [2]

II. 𝐸𝐴𝑆𝐼𝐸𝑅

WC: 1,325

      𝐼 𝐻𝐴𝐷𝑁'𝑇 𝑆𝐸𝐸𝑁 my southerner in three days, the worry increasing the longer I went without him. I knew how he was feeling. I knew that the guilt and shame would be consuming him and all I wanted was to be there for him. The thought of Jasper hating himself for something he couldn't control made me sick; the thought of him avoiding me because of it made it worse. 

       His siblings had yet to make an appearance at the school. Bella, being the only other person who knew of the incident, shared my concern. We didn't speak much, and I was left even more distraught once she had dropped me off at my driveway. She said nothing before leaving again, a faraway look in her eyes as she sped down the winding road. 

      I ripped my eyes from the orange truck and forced myself to begin my decent to the door. The thoughts began to tangle me up once again and If it wasn't for the distant sound of a breaking twig I would have missed it. Blonde curls reflected the light and I caught a glimpse of him standing in the treelike. His eyes glued to me. 

     It took me a moment to recover from the shock. I dusted my hands on my dress, shuffling my feet through the grass. I was both weary and eager to see him. The closer I got to his figure, the more I could see how disheveled it had become. His posture was rigid, the circles under his eyes were black as night, and the beautiful honey-locks I loves were straying in every direction. He had been running through them frantically. 

      Only a couple feet of distance stood between us. I began to take another step. He recoiled from me. It hurt to see him so broken. The self-hatred was taking him over. I cleared my throat and glanced at him, attempting to meet his eyes. He wouldn't allow it, his gaze shifting to the forest floor. He turned from me, taking a deep breath. 

"Take a walk with me." He didn't wait for my response and he began to take long strides into the woods. I followed meekly behind him, my anxiety growing with each step. It felt like hours before I mustered the courage to speak.

"Jasper..what's goin' on?" He proceeded to take a few more steps before stopping. I stared at his back as he took another breath.

"They told me to tell you it was because of Carlisle's appearance- that he was lookin' too young and the civilians were gettin. suspicious." My brows furrowed in confusion.

"..and you knew I would see through that." A whisper of a chuckle escaped his lips and he nodded. "..I still don't understand." He then turned to face me, his topaz eyes refusing to join mine. 

"I-we're leavin' Forks, Rosemary." My breath hitched.

"I-is this because of what happened at the party- you know that wasn't your fault." His jaw clenched and his eyes shifted, studying the pine needles scattered across the ground.

"I can't..I-I don't wanna' be with you." The worry shifted to anger at his words.

"D-don't you dare." He opened his mouth to speak, but I wouldn't have it.

"No. Don't you dare lie to me." His eyes finally met mine. The guilt flowing from them made me nauseous. 

"It would be easier." I shook my head, narrowing my eyes towards him.

"I don't give a damn, Jasper. Don't you dare try to make me hate you." His eyes shifted back to the earth and he lifted a hand to his hair, running his fingers through his curls. "I-I know you have to..I understand why you have to leave." My voice cracked against my will causing his gaze to fall back on me.

"Rose.."

"No, Jass. I'm not goin' to scream and beg and plead for you to stay. I- you have to protect them; our family. They deserve better than this..and as badly as I want to- I can't be selfish about this." I felt tears sting at my eyes and a few escaped against my will. Jasper took a careful step towards me, unescaping tears welling in his own.

"I-I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, darlin'." He brought a gentle hand up to my cheek and swiped the wetness from skin.

"I-I know, Jass." I melted into the tenderness he showed in his touch, not wanting to ask my next question. "Do..do you think you're ever comin' back?" He stayed silent for a moment and I held his wrist, waiting for his answer.

"No, baby. Not in your lifetime..", he croaked. My heart broke.

"Oh. Well then you make me a promise." He stiffly nodded his head. "You promise me you'll take care of 'em..of yourself. Don't you dare blame yourself for this." His grip on me tightened along with his jaw.

"I-"

"I'm not done. I can't- I won't accept that this is the last time I'm gonna' see you. If," My voice cracked again as Jasper ran his fingers along my skin, "I-if this is the last time I see you in this lifetime..I will find you in my next. So, no. This isn't goodbye, Jasper Whitlock. This is I'll be seeing you." Jasper rested his forehead against my own, his voice catching.

"I-I never wanted this." I pulled a loose strand of honey-blonde behind his ear and rested my palm on his cheek.

"Well, sometimes baby, you gotta' do hard things for the ones you love." He leaned further into my hand, I knew that if vampires could cry he would be. "Now, you're gonna' give me somethin'."

"Anything, darlin'." I shook my head and gave him a half-hearted grin.

"You're gonna hold me, and tell me you love me. If it's the last time I'm gonna hear it for a while I want my fill." He returned my grin and shakily nodded his head.

"Okay." His voice came out in a whisper- smaller than I'd ever heard it before. He pulled me into him and my arms wrapped around his neck. I never wanted to let him go. 

"I-I love you, Rosemary. More than you'll ever know." I felt his cool lips press against my forehead. 

       When I reopened my eyes he was gone.

"I love you too, Jasper." My voice came out low as it wavered in the wind. He wasn't there- the man I loved more than anything was gone, and I had no clue what to do. 

_____

       I stumbled out of the woods, back to my home. Aunt Jayne's car sat parked in the gravel and I rushed to the door. I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, grasping my sides harshly. The door creaked and I was met with the waitress' back. She hadn't seen me yet and was busing herself with something. My voice hitched in my throat. "J-Jayne?" She whipped around to meet my eyes.

"Rose?" The worry in her eyes broke the dam- my walls fell and I couldn't hold in the tears any longer.

"I-he's g-gone." She ran over to me and I collapsed into her arms.

"Shh, baby." My legs buckled underneath me and she held me as I slid to the ground. The tears burned my skin as I sobbed.

"I-I didn't know it could h-hurt this bad." She secured her arms around my shoulders and cradled me as you would a child.

"I know, baby." The softness of her words did little to calm the storm brewing inside of me. It was like I'd lost a part of myself. My shoulders racked with sobs and I let it all out- all the pain I'd been carrying around for years. The bottle had burst- and I was left empty.

Not gonna lie I cried while writing this