𝐽𝐴𝑆𝑃𝐸𝑅 | jasper hale [2]

III. 𝐵𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸

WC: 1,285

"They say losin' the love of your life is like amputatin' a limb. You have to learn how to walk again- you have to relearn how to breathe..and that's what I did. I took a breath and taught myself how to live in a world without Jasper Hale."

       𝐼𝑇 𝑊𝐴𝑆 𝐷𝐸𝐶𝐸𝑀𝐵𝐸𝑅, the rain had turned to snow and I often found myself wondering if it snowed where he was. I wondered if he had returned to Alaska- if he was looking at the moon at the same time I was. More than anything, I wondered If he was okay.- 'okay' in the loosest sense of the word.

      I felt okay. The first month without him was spent grieving. I found myself calling his mobile more times than I could count just to hear his drawl on the recorded line. School had become a tedious event and I found myself yearning for any sign of the Cullens. I sat at their old table with Bella on most days, trying to remember what each of their presences felt like. I tried to remember the warmth their cold bodies brought my life. 

       It had been a slow process before I began to feel again, before I began to breathe and attempt to enjoy the things I had before September thirteenth. Aunt Jayne had gotten me a job at a bookstore in Port Angeles, and I found that my time was divided between there, classes, and the Swan residence. 

       In all honestly, Bella was doing horribly. She wasn't grieving or processing; she was barely existing. Bella was doing the bare minimum she needed to do to live, but she wasn't alive. She hadn't faced the truth like I had- she hadn't accepted it. 

       I had accepted a life without Jasper. I didn't need Jasper Hale to survive- only to live. I hadn't felt truly alive since before, but surviving was better than nothing. Surviving was better than the comatose state Bella sat in. It had been difficult to see her like that- to have one-sided conversations with someone I considered family. I knew she would get better though, she had to. 

_____

       I made my way into the Forks Residence, not bothering to knock. I never did. I found myself in the middle of a heated conversation between Bella and her father.

"..I'm not leaving"

"You can't keep waiting for him." I cleared my throat, shuffling awkwardly on my feet as two pairs of chocolate eyes turned to me. Bella looked up graciously and slammed her bowl into the sink.

"I have to get to school..maybe me and Rose will catch a movie in Port Angeles tonight." I nodded my head to Charlie and followed Bella to her truck.

"Movie, huh?" Bella rolled her eyes at me and started the engine, pulling out a little fast for my liking.

"Yep." She popped the 'p' sarcastically and focused her gaze on the road.

"He's not wrong, you know." She ignored me, her knuckles turning white.

"How do you do it?" I fiddled with my sleeves.

"Do what?" I knew what. She shot me a sideways glare and let out a sigh.

"Act like your perfectly fine without them." I stared out of the window, watching the trees blur past us. A memory resurfaced- the feeling of flightlessness when Jasper carried me through the woods.

"I am fine." I met her expectant gaze and smiled. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"You can lie to yourself all you want but you can't lie to me," She turned her gaze back to the road, "I just- I see the way you stare at your locket..and you've reread that book at least a hundred times..you haven't moved on as well as you think you have."