The Winter Rose

Part One

           I have five hours, twenty-three minutes, and thirty seconds left till I have to wake up and return to Jackson High for the first day of school. I couldn’t sleep at all; my mind was overwhelmed with the things that could possibly go wrong today. Worrying about if people will even remember me, who will be in my classes and how can I just not be the shy, timid girl I was all throughout my entire life. If they do I’ll always have Martha Smith and Christian Smalls. Those two are my best friends that I’ve known for quite some time now. I met Martha in 8th grade at Townson middle school. Martha is beautiful girl with golden blonde hair, enormous hazel glowing eyes, and an outgoing personality, someone I wouldn’t normally befriend but she was an exception. I met Christian sometime in 6th grade I believe, Christian has short, dark hair with green eyes that widen every time he smiles, and he’s like me; timid and he keeps to himself. We didn’t meet at Townson, like me and Martha, but I met him while waiting on my therapist.

            See I was diagnosed with depression at the age of nine. I think it was because my dad…I don’t talk about him much, well, I could barely remember him. All that comes to mind when someone mentions my dad is drunk, abusive, and controlling. My mom says he’s a no good bastard that basically hated me. He wanted no part in my life.., but he didn’t leave til he got a good two swings in. Christian and I have been friends ever since, even though he went to J.D. Gorson middle school, which isn’t far from Townson, so in high school we both attend Jackson High. This year I want to find myself, all this time it just feels like I’ve been wandering through a forest of grim, dark trees and a thick mist. I want to find my way out and see the light again.

            Fifty minutes left and I’m still not ready. Not emotionally or physically. What should I wear, how should I act, should I ride the bus? All those pointless questions still with no answer but somehow they have such an important meaning.  What I do on the first day is my new impression on everyone from last year and I want to be like everyone else, normal. With just minutes left I decided to have Christian pick me up and we could go to school together. By the time he gets here I’ve chosen my best clothes (a black and white flannel shirt with a black undershirt and dark jeans), did my hair and make-up too. I’ve never worn make-up before, but maybe I’ll like it.

            Christian finally arrived at the house as my mom watches me leave out the house.

“Hello Ms. Parks. How’s your morning!” Christian yells from the car with the biggest smile showing his pearly whites.

“Hello Christian.  I’m doing alright, but y’all better hurry to school. You don’t want to be late. Have a great day Alexandra and Christian.” My mom says as she’s shooing us away as Christian pulls off.

I haven’t seen Christian all summer. He was up in New England with his older brother Jonathan.

“Is that… make-up?” he says in a way like he was judging me.

“Yes… Do you not like it? Do I look like a clown? Did I put too much on?”  I say in a panicky tone.

“Ha-Ha. No, you look fine. It’s just that you look better without make-up to be honest.” He’s laughing at me as he pulls into the student parking lot.

Sitting there, nervous, distressed I just couldn’t seem to get out the truck.

“It’s okay Alex! New school year, new you remember.” Christian said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Alright, ha-ha I’m calm now let’s go.”  As I open the car door to Martha’s face with the widest smile ever.

“Hi guys! Come on we’re gonna be late!” she says while she pulls me out the truck by my wrist lifting my sleeve.