Accident Prone |h.s|

Chapter 29: Breathing

Harry leans his elbows onto his knees as he sits on the chair across from me instead of his usual spot next to me on the couch.

He's not very happy with me. He would never say it but its clear on his face. From the beginning of this whole pregnancy thing, I have never pulled him away from touching me like that.

"Listen, H. I think we need to talk about how things are going right now." I start quietly while he stares me down.

"Well, I thought things were going pretty great so anything other than that is news to me." His voice tinged with condescension.

Oh yeah, he pissed.

Harry typically is not one to be passive aggressive, so when he is you know that he is not okay.

"I'm sorry that I haven't said anything, thats on me. I just think that this whole pregnancy thing has completely taken over our lives and our friendship. I understand that its a very serious and life changing event but I feel like its the only thing we have in common now." I pause to take a deep breath hoping the sadness isn't as apparent in my voice as it is in my heart. "Its like you only think of me as the woman carrying your baby and not your friend. It doesn't feel like it used to with you."

I wish there was a better way to describe it. The hurt that I feel doesn't even compare to that measly statement.

I feel like we've ceased being real roles in each others lives.

I feel like we've grown closer and farther apart at the same time.

I feel like I want Harry to see me as me.

I feel like once I'm physically separated from this baby, that he won't care about me anymore.

I bite my lip and look down at my hands as they twist and turn with the anxious thoughts rolling through my mind. More than anything else, I don't want him to get so angry with me that I lose him forever.

I hear a large sigh leave his chest as I look up to meet his emerald eyes with mine.

"I had absolutely no idea you felt this way. Why didn't you say something earlier?" He asks but stays seated across from me, like he's trying to distance himself from me.

"I-I don't- I just didn't think. I was scared that-" my broken sobs cut my sentence off as I cover my face in my hands.

The truth is terrifying and embarrassing and not something I want to admit to him. It makes me sound like an insecure defenseless person with no control. The more I think about it, the more realize how true that statement is.

I have given Harry all the power over my life. I willingly and freely handed it over with no fight. My current and future happiness depends so much on him.

I am a not the independent person I once was. So, not only am I afraid of any negativity he could give me but I also morn who I once was.

I feel the weight of Harry on the cushion next to me as he moves to sit there. I feel his strong arm wrap around my shoulders. I feel the air leave my body when relief washes over me.

I realize, I wasn't scared of him leaving me. I know he would never do that to me or our baby.

I was scared of this feeling.

This heart fluttering, stomach dropping, light headed, floating feeling. All of the anger I have felt towards him these past couple months has been anger towards myself and what I knew was going to happen if he kept being so amazing to me. It was just easier to blame Harry for the small things than try to understand what I was feeling.