Blood and Tears (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Fourteen

"I used to be normal. I used to be okay. Until I found out I was gay. Looking back, I guess I always knew. I knew I was different, at least. I remember I was twelve and we were changing for gym. I had never been into girls before. But then what twelve year old boy is?

"Anyway, we were changing for gym and my locker was next to some guy, one of those who go through puberty early. He was huge. I was only admiring his muscles, but somehow or other, I... I tried to kiss him. I didn't mean to, it just happened.

"He started freaking out, calling me fag and homo. I didn't know what was going on, but he got together with a couple of other guys and they beat the shit out of me. They made me swear not to tell anyone because they said they would kill me.

"Pretty soon, word spread about the locker room thing, and I got harassed every day. Small things, like spitballs, name calling, shoulder checks, you know. But it didn't take long to escalate. I started getting my ass kicked every day.

"I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to think I was weak. This went on for a couple of years. One day, a teacher saw me getting beat up. She told my parents. It was horrible. I had to come out to them, and I wasn't ready. They pretended not to care, but I knew that both of them hated me because of it. We moved. That was in eighth grade. After we moved, my parents started treating me differently. They were distant and cold to me. I knew it was because of my sexuality.

"When we moved to the new town, I didn't really even try to make friends. I mostly kept to myself and shit. Until I met Evan and Jonathon. Jonathon was Evan's older brother, but not by much. Maybe a couple of months. They were inseparable. Jonathon wasn't gay though. He had a girlfriend. Anyway, we started hanging out a lot and they were really cool guys. They helped me get past a lot of shit that had happened to me. They also helped me want to come out. I thought maybe things would be different this time, but when kids at school found out I was gay, everything was the same. The bullying started up again. Ev and Jon tried to help me but I just pushed them away. I was embarrassed, I guess.

"That same weekend, we got out for Christmas break. Me and my family, Mom, Dad, and my eleven-year-old sister Elisa, went to my grandparents house for Christmas dinner. I had decided to come out there too. I announced it as soon as I walked in the door. I didn't want to wait in case I changed my mind. I don't think anybody knew what to say because everybody stayed silent.

"Then they just went about like they hadn't heard me. I wasn't sure if I was glad I wasn't being treated differently or pissed that they weren't acknowledging it. The only one who talked to me about it was my cousin, Marco. He was the same age as me and we used to tell each other everything. I hadn't talked to him forever and I thought he would be upset that I never told him. He wasn't. He wanted to talk to me about it and I was so thankful that he accepted me. I thought maybe things would be okay.

" After dinner, Marco's dad, my uncle, asked me to go outside with him. He said he needed my help with something. I was so naïve-" A sob burst out of Ash's throat. I pulled him in to my chest and stroked his hair. I didn't want to hear this but I needed to and Ash needed to tell someone. "He took me out in my grandpa's shed. It seems like it was yesterday. I walked in ahead of him and when I turned around to ask him what it was he needed, I saw him locking the door behind him.

"I started to get a little nervous but I had no clue what he was about to do. He unbuckled his belt and undid his pants' button. I looked around for somewhere to get out but there were no windows. I tried to talk to him, ask him why he was doing this. I started crying and hated myself for it. Maybe if I hadn't shown pain or fear, he would've left me alone. But I was weak.

"I had my back against the wall and my uncle slid his pants off. He ordered me to do the same. I was crying and begging but he just yelled at me. When I wouldn't do it, he grabbed his belt off the floor and folded it in half. 'Take your clothes off,' he said. 'Take them the f*ck off or I'll hurt you." He raised the belt and I tried to shield myself but it was no use.