𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑟

Watching someone radically change over time can bring their own set of changes in you. I guess love can do that to you. It can alter your life, for better or worse.

Atlas was different. She was an introvert—an irony, when she was surrounded by people anywhere she went. She compensated for her lack of social energy with her wit, making the times she did speak entertaining and enjoyable. People loved her quick replies and how she never took shit from anyone, but also her soft spots. Her genuineness and honesty. She was a good listener and gave heart-thought advice that helped many people.

She had many sides to her but always had a few hidden. There was a mystery to her that also drew people in, which made them want to know more. Her eyes seemed to pass right through you, like an x-ray. She read you thoroughly, deeply, utterly. You could always rely on her, and she, without judgment, would always be there for you. That was my impression of her.

But it was hard to get close to her. She had days where her social meter ran low, and she seemed to not be there. On those days, people still crowd her, but they either quickly lose interest or find it too awkward to walk on eggshells around her. You can almost sense she wants to be left alone, and so you'd leave her be. She wasn't much fun to be around when she was like that, at least to other people.

I always wondered what she thought about on those days. Comfortably in her own company, what would she think about? Does she reminisce of warmer days, or dream up a separate world?

It was impossible to know. She kept those bits close to the chest, so nobody knew much about her.

I don't even think he knew her, up until the end.

Marcus was easier to read. He was frantic in his love, pleading in his side glances, less subtle in his devotion. His fear was obvious in the beginning, to the point he purposefully avoided eye contact with her. I suspected that was when they first had sex. There was the guilt of abusing his position as an educator, but his marriage must've had a place in it all. He wasn't actually divorced.

Being an attractive man, rumors circulated quickly, especially among the girls. Some say he must've divorced his wife, but it was soon discovered through eavesdropping on gossiping teachers that he was separated. Moved out, he was in that purgatory between marriage and divorce.

As the semester concluded, the guilt faded. I assume he fell in love and the smaller matters of his marital status or position dissolved to an afterthought in the back of his mind. He was more forthcoming with talking to her in class while respecting the boundaries of a student-teacher relationship. It was all pretend for the prying eyes, nonetheless.

Atlas changed subtly, gradually. Her talkative traits dimmed and diminished. She was no longer the life of the party, but the quiet, pretty girl that caught people's eyes in passing. She stopped her side job of writing papers, and people stopped talking to her altogether. She isolated herself, all to keep her relationship with Marcus a secret.

It was like watching a star die. Her light, her charisma, her smile... they all became a dull sparkle in the sky. I wished I could've said something, done something, to stop her decline into this darkness, but it wasn't my place. I was just some guy in her class. She didn't know me.

She loved him. Nothing I could've said would've stopped her anyways.

The semester ended with the year, and the winter felt even crueler than before. I spent the break at home, mostly by myself. I tried to forget her, and this obsession I refused to acknowledge. I had to let it go.

I could never know what happen between them that winter, but things were different when we all came back for the coming semester. Change comes for the prepared and unprepared all the same. Marcus took a break from teaching, and nobody heard any news from him. When Atlas was asked if she knew anything, she looked so faraway.

Her answer would be a simple denial, but everyone speculated anyways. Did he finally divorce his wife? Or did he simply get tired of his job? Maybe he got together with Atlas, finally? Did the school administration catch them? Was he suspended from teaching?

Who could have known the truth, or how far reality was from it.