"Look, Mr. Hotchner, Agent Hotchner, Hotch, my brother is dead, we've dealt with it already, I have a life, people I need to take care of, the last thing I need to do is throw my family into any unknown water anytime soon bringing this back up," I s...
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~ we're petrified of saying to much or saying it wrong, when the truth is, the only wrong thing you can say is nothing at all ~
No one dared say a word on the jet ride back to Quantico.
They all obviously had the mikes everywhere meaning they knew what had happened to me, and even if they weren't listening it would still be in my reports.
Starring out of the jet window I could feel all there gazes on me, which was not really helping my anxiety.
I knew they were all worried and didn't know what to do.
Didn't know whether to talk or not.
But they did want to talk, not to each other, but to me.
Garcia had already texted me the 'are you okays' and 'I'm sorry that happened to you's', and most likely texted my response to everyone.
I had it stated in my file to not inform family of any developments on cases, whether kidnapped, in a coma, or held hostage.
It was stated to only tell them if I was dead, and only tell Brandon what had happened and that it was up to him if he wanted to tell Tessa.
No one was informed, so I had no one to tell I was fine.
After about 5 more minutes of complete silence, I finally turn towards them, raising my eyebrows, "What?" I ask calmly.
Honestly they annoy me sometimes.
I hate it when people beat around the bush.
The all exchange looks, earning a harsh glare from me.
Everyone flinches but doesn't speak, "Okay, either tell me why you are starring at me like I'm about to spontaneously combust or so help me god I will shoot you, and we all know how good of a aim I am," I half threat, although no one even cracks a smile.
Jesus, lighten up.
Shaking my head, I look back out the window, "I need a drink,"
I think Rossi's rubbing off on me.
Movement behind me sounds and I turn meeting Hotch's strict gaze, "No you don't." he states.
Ah, fathers.
Feigning confusion, I squint my eyes slightly, "Nah, I'm parched, some bourbon whiskey really sounds good," I egg him on, knowing that this is the only way to get them talking apparently.
JJ shakes her head, "Woah, can we back up a second," she asks rhetorically, making eye contact with me, "How did you get that good a shot, and don't say your brother because Garcia checked, and there is no guns registered in your families name until after his death,"
Sending her a look of annoyance, I scoff slightly, "You had Garcia cyber stalk me?" I ask, avoiding the question.
Me and Garcia need to have a talk.
Sighing slightly, Dave looks at me, "She wouldn't have to if you just talked to us Tatum."
Right, because I have to lay my whole life in front of you all before we work a whole year together.
Smiling a very sarcastic smile, I turn to Hotch who decided to speak, "Why do you feel the need to hide things from us, we're a team Tate, we communicate otherwise everything will fall apart," he says.
"I do communicate-"
"No," Derek states, cutting me off, "No you keep us at this distance." he tells me, using his hands to make more of a point, "You call us by our last names most of the time, in fact, I've never heard you call JJ anything but Jennifer."
He laughs sarcastically, "Or Hotchner, your biological father anything but Hotch in fact you call him sir most of the time. The only person you are remotely close to is Dave and that is because you live with him,"
He's not wrong, but he doesn't have the whole truth.
My reasoning.
Which is my fault, but orders are orders and the rest they have most likely profiled already.
Wringing my hands together I place them on my lap, "You know, I have a very strong feeling you all had a meeting to profile me and honestly I don't blame you, but don't you think those are the kind of things that you know, break any trust I could have formed with ya'll?" I questions, annoyance and anger clear in my voice.
Turning towards me, Spencer gives me a small smile, "The thing is T," I cringe at the nickname, that not going unnoticed, "You act like you're an open book, but in truth, we know nothing about you,"
Nodding I shrug, "Uh, I dislike pineapple on my pizza, what does that tell you about me,"
Reid opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, "Exactly, you could build half a profile off of that sentence." I pause, "The thing is Spence, in this line of work we practically live with each other, hell I live with Rossi. I don't see the big crime in wanting privacy, you know, a little mystery. I think it's good for the soul." I sarcastically inform.
I might have been being a little rude, but I had secrets for a reason, whether that reason being an order from the higher ups or from myself, a secret stays a secret.
And I was going to keep it that way.
JJ shakes her head in disbelief, "She worse then Emily, and we all know how that ended." she proclaims, trailing off at the end.
"It's completely idiotic to keep secrets," Hotchner exclaims.
Rolling my eyes, I shrug, "It's completely idiotic to tell secret's, kinda defunds the whole purpose of them," I say, looking back out the window.
Morgan finally snaps, standing up, "This is not fair. We're here for you 24/7 no matter what, and this is what we get. You know Hotch once told me that he trusted me with his life then asked me if I would instill that same trust in him, and the truth is ya, I would, 'cause he earned that trust. We have never given you a reason to not-"
"Morgan, sit down." I state calmly but assertively.
"We're a family, and we want you here but-"
"Morgan!" I raise my voice, turning to him.
"You are so smart Tate, and I know that sometimes it's hard to trust or love because that means your opening up to the possibly of being hurt, of being vulnerable-"
"DEREK SIT the fuck down!" I shout, stopping him mid sentence.
Looking at me in pure anger, he slumps back in his seat.
Everyone stared at me with wide eyes, not ready for me to shout.
I shrug, "What?" I ask breathily, "Okay I get it, I'm closed off, I don't trust easily. I feel the need to validate my every move and I distance myself from all of you, but I have my reasons." I say, making eye contact with them all, pausing to let that statement sink in.
"We all have secrets, and most of the time they are better left unsaid, and you all know that. So don't come profiling me like I'm an unsub, because I have my reasons, and maybe with time or who am I fucking, in two months when Garcia finally breaks the encrypted file you'll all know exists, you'll know why I'm the way I am. But no interrogation techniques are going to get it out of me. So lay off the good cop bad cop shit, and maybe take a break from trying to figure me out for once, because I promise you, you're not going to like what you find." I inform way to calmly.
Like fish out of water, they all open and close there mouths, not sure how to respond.
Breaking eye contact with them, I let my fingers dig in my palm to stop crying.
I was always an angry crier, but I wouldn't let them see me cry.
