THUD

Chapter 1

I could feel the heavy covers on top of me.

I could hear your irregular breathing.

Hell I could feel it on my face.

You were sitting on the bed, next to me, your face too close to mine.

I could also smell it. I could smell the toxins you drank tonight.

I kept my eyes shut, because I didn't want to see you, I didn't want to see your stupid face with those big angry eyes full of hatred and violence.

I can't go through this again, not now.

My old bruises haven't fully healed yet; I was not ready to welcome any new ones.

"Oh ba-baaabyy," you slurred, your breath hitting my face, the smell of alcohol clogging my nostrils.

Your cold hand clutched my shoulder and you shook me violently, your fingers digging into my skin and I almost cried out in pain, you were applying pressure to my already purple skin. I held it in though. I bit my tongue and held it in.

"June, ba baby waake upp, wake the fuck up I want you t-to love me Ju-june."

I continued to pretend to be asleep but I knew I was pushing my luck, I knew I was risking it and I braced myself to what is to come.

It stung like a motherfucker, your palm against my cheek, it fucking stung and my eyelids flew open allowing the tears I was holding to escape.

"Wh why did it take you so fu fucking long to wak wake up June? I neeeed you June."

I held my palm against my cheek in an attempt to stop the throbbing and slowly started to sit up. The tears kept flowing but there was no noise, just tears. I looked at you and you had so much anger in your eyes. It scared me. It scared the fuck out of me.

But it also fucking irritated me. And I felt it, I felt the fire ignite in my stomach again and I felt it start to rise, to erupt.

The tears stopped.

As I stared into your cold eyes and felt my cheek throb the fear vanished, no not vanished the fear was turning into something else. The fire burned the fear and changed it into anger and resentment, into rage.

You grabbed my shoulders and almost like throwing gasoline into a fire, that rage inside of me roared and climbed higher and higher until it was outside of me and before I knew it my hands were grabbing yours, tightening the grip onto your wrists and freeing myself. I got out of bed ready to fucking fight you.

You won't hurt me, no not tonight.

I looked back at you and you were still on the bed, staring right at me. The anger in your eyes was now gone replaced with genuine surprise, but just for a second before a I saw it, the dreaded look, the one you get right before you hurt me.

But no, not fucking tonight.

You slowly got up and walked towards me. You were bare foot and your shirt buttons were undone. I watched you drag your feet across the beige carpet we picked out together and the closer you got the harder it was to breath.

I was frozen, I couldn't move I couldn't think I couldn't even use my voice. I knew what was about to happen but I didn't it want to happen. I didn't want it to happen. I didn't want it to happen.

You were almost next to me now, you were taking your time getting to me, you were enjoying my pain feeding on my fear.

And then there it was, your cold hands on my waist, pulling me closer to you. I tried to resist, I tried to step back. I tried.