Pizza n' Tea: A Weird Combination

5. Don't Apologize

Fin: 12/27/2020 12:42 PM

I stand outside Shaun's room, my hand in a fist hovering over his door. There's music blaring from inside his room. It sounds like that new pop song that's been playing in the tea shop this week. Didn't really peg him for a pop kind of guy.

I take a deep breath and knock. "Shaun?" There's no answer. "Shaun!" I raise my voice. The music lowers.

"Come in." I hesitate for a split second before nudging open the door.

All the walls in his room are bare and painted white. In the corner are two guitars on their respective stands. Next to it is a keyboard that is hooked up to a Mac. There's a huge swivel chair at his desk. Two large speakers are in another corner where faint music is coming from.

Shaun is laying on his bed with his arms supporting his head. His eyebrows are furrowed, and his jaw clenched. His eyes are trained onto his ceiling. I glance up to see what he's looking at, but there's nothing there.

I open my mouth to speak, but before I can say anything, Shaun asks me, "Do you know this song?"

Taken aback, I shut my mouth, my eyebrows coming together. I stop and concentrate on the music. The voice sounds familiar, but I can't place it. "I can't say that I do. But I noticed it's been playing a lot at the bubble tea shop I work at."

"You also work at a bubble tea shop?"

"Yeah, I work at the tea place during the day, and then pizza deliveries in the evening and night. That's when most people order pizza anyways."

He gestures to the swivel chair. "Isn't that kind of dangerous, a girl like you knocking on strangers' doors at night?"

I walk over and pause before sitting down. I turn my head at him. "What do you mean, a girl like me."

"Oh, I mean, you know, you're pretty. You're young. So, you know?" He flushed red, not meeting my eyes.

I raise one eyebrow at his reaction. "Some people do what they have to do to survive." I sit down and swivel around on the chair. I always did love playing around with these.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Besides, I have a black belt in mixed martial arts, so if anyone messes with me—" I turn around and give a punch in Shaun's direction.

He laughs, his expression a bit more serene than when I came into the room. "That's good. Makes me relieved."

I stand up and walk towards him on his bed. "Hey Shaun." He looks over at me and sits up, putting one knee up.

"Hey Bailey." I stop a few feet away from his bed.

I take a deep breath. Awkward as it may be, I can't keep avoiding my problems. The words come naturally. "You don't need to say sorry. I should be the one saying sorry. I apologize for what I said before about you being rich and lazy. Wow that sounds awful hearing myself now. I really appreciate you trying to help me out, even though we barely know each other. I really don't think you're lazy at all, and I only said it because I was feeling really frustrated, and I just get like that sometimes, and I wish I wouldn't but I don't want there to be any bad feelings between us." I let out the breath I'd been holding. I look at anywhere but Shaun.

His hands are suddenly on my shoulders and the only thing I can think about is how did he get up so fast?

"It's okay, Bailey. I've already forgotten about it. I probably can't understand anything you're feeling about this, but I just want you to know that if there's anything you ever need to talk about or rant about, I'm here. I won't get tired of it."

I finally look up at him. "Really?"

Promises and unspoken words seem to glitter in his eyes. He nods once. "Really."

"We just met, Shaun."

He doesn't say anything at first. Then looks in my eyes. "I feel like I've known you for a long time." 

I let out a small smile. I'm not sure if I dare allow this newfound hope to take root, but at least for now, I can breathe a bit easier.

"Sorry for the word vomit," I say.

"It's okay. It was cute." He smiles at me, and suddenly I remember his hands are still on my shoulders.

"Uhm," I glance at his hands.

He immediately takes his hands away, putting one hand behind his neck. "Sorry," he chuckles awkwardly.

I walk over to his guitars, pick up one of them, and sit back down on the swivel chair. "So, you like music, huh?" I start strumming, my fingers fumbling and rusty from years of nonpractice.

"Yeah, I love it. It's like my escape from reality."

"What's your reality like?"

Shaun pauses. "It's...full of things I don't want to do, yet I feel obligated to do anyway. Music is the one thing that I want to do but can't."

"Why can't you do it? If you have the choice to, shouldn't you do what you love?" I ask.

"It doesn't feel like I have the choice to. I feel like I can't let my mother down. She's given me so much already."

I look up from my strumming. "My mother always told me that as long as I do what makes me happy, no matter who criticizes me, she would never be disappointed in me, because my happiness made her happy."

"How is your mother?" he asks me.

I pause. "She's dead." I pause again. Shaun doesn't say anything, just waiting for me to continue. "Both my parents passed away in a car crash two years ago. A drunk driver slammed straight into the front of our car." My eyes glaze over as I'm taken back to that very night. "I was in the backseat. The doctors said my dad died on impact. My mom," my voice cracks. "My mom died en route to the hospital. Multiple organ failure, they said."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories." Shaun says in a low voice.

"It's okay." I whisper back. I start strumming again, this time playing a more melancholy melody.

We fall into a silence, my messy strumming filling the emptiness within each of us.

That night, I keep awake as I think of my parents. I could feel tears wanting to come out, but they've dried up after countless nights of crying myself to sleep.

Sleep always seems to evade me when I want it most. I lay on the bed, eyes wide open as I stare at the ceiling in the dark. There's guitar playing coming from down the hall. And then there's quiet singing. I can hear the sadness in every note and strum of the guitar. I wonder what happened to the guy who always had a smile in high school that he now sings such despondent tunes.

Shaun's soothing voice pulls my eyes closed and finally lulls me to sleep. The last thing I think of is that the song sounds kind of familiar.