DOLDRUMS [H.S]

Prologue

"Just one thing, I told you to behave just one thing Grace, couldn't you just do that. Is it- is it really difficult to do that?"

"But- I"

"Stop it, Grace, don't you realize look at your self. Look at the clothes you're wearing. Your mother died just because of you do you know that? It was all your fault.!"

FAULT?

Words left me. I stared into those bright blue eyes burning with anger, and my heart fell silent. 

I believed it. I believed what she just said. It was all my fault that my mother died. I wish I just kept the speed of the car to minimum. If I had done that maybe my mother would be alive today. She will probably cooking some pancakes for me and my father, instead of this this raging bitch my father married. At first everything was good but now I know that she is just using him for his money.

I stood there in silence. Trying to process what she just said. I tried to find comfort in the silence, but I failed. I even failed my mother. She would be so disappointed in me.

I immediately walked away from the spot, I ran upwards to my room. I locked it and I stayed there for hours.

I looked at the frame hanging on the wall with photo of me and my mom. I saw her beautiful face smiling. I touched the frame trying to comfort myself. It didn't work. I took the frame in my hand and-

"I'm sorry mom, I failed you I'm really sorry"

I closed my eyes The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window, as if the light could soothe me.

It didn't.

'You know that I died because of you.'

I heard a familiar voice. I realized that it was my mum's voice. I turned around but there was no one.

'why you didn't listen to me'

No no no no no no this can't be you're dead how are you talking to me.

'Punish yourself GRACE!'

Why are you saying this mom. I sat on the floor, keeping my knees attached to my chest.

DO IT GRACE! PUNISH YOURSELF.

Do you want me to do it mom?

Yes DO IT GRACE!

My crying was both ferocious and noisy. I blinked briny tears from my bloodshot eyes, my thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if I'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down my face and dripped from my wobbling chin. Clear watery snot streaked from my flaring nostrils down my red mottled skin.

'Punish yourself GRACE!"

'Punish yourself GRACE!'

'Punish yourself GRACE!'

My mind kept repeating those words as some song stuck in my mind.

I stood up from the place, I walked towards the cupboard. I opened a drawer trying to find something that will relieve me. My hands suddenly felt a small thin yet sharp object. I took it out adoring it. Thinking of what things it could do to me. I slowly placed it against my index finger........

                                                                 ***********

DOLDRUMS 
noun

Meaning -a state or period of depression.

Warning:- this story contains blood and contents that can be triggering for some people. Remember the author doesn't intends to trigger anyone.

Through this story I support people who've been going through or who have survived through severe depression or anxiety. Just remember that you're loved and every single life on this planet MATTERS! ! !

ILYSsssssssm💞