Finding Light (Naruto Fanfic) //ON HOLD//

♥1. Past

"Ma! Look what I found! I found a firefly!" I carefully held up a jar. Within it was a firefly, fluttering, trying and utterly failing to get free. It would've been too easy for me to simply catch a firefly with a flick of my wrist and some urging, but this time, I managed to catch a stray firefly, making my cheeks flush with pride.

"That's good Tsuki..." Ma stared at the paper works in front of her, deep in thought. Most of those papers were probably pa's work, but my ma usually did them for him. Pa was usually drunk, or playing outside with his friends. I shuffled around and pondered on whether to leave the jar on her desk, or wait until later to give it to her. Not minutes after my entrance, my brother bounded up beside me with a butterfly in his hands and started poking at ma's ribs, most likely sore from her mission yesterday.

She turned around with a shout upon her tongue, but as soon as she saw that it was Yoko, not me, her eyes softened and her mouth curled into an awkward smile- caught by the beauty of the butterfly child, like any other person would be. She grinned, as Yoko silently showed her his butterfly that I saw him summon up a while ago. I stood back, watching her shower the cheater with praises.

Hatred for my twin roiled up, but I stamped it down. He hasn't done anything wrong. Not yet at least. I looked at their smiling faces longingly, and turned quietly to leave. Yet, anyone would know that silence was not my forte, for as soon as I was at the doorway, my jar slipped from my grasp as I stumbled on the upturned wood at the doorstep. With a sound crash, it fell onto the floor, and splinters of glass flew. Shards barely missed my feet and I yelped, shooting back. The single firefly sprung out.

Ma looked at me in disgust and started yelling profanities at me as I stood shock still. The firefly restlessly buzzed around my head as ma balled up her hands, telling me that I was a useless child. The firefly looped around my stilled body a few more times before escaping the room through the door. I didn't blame the little creature. If I could, I would've flown out the door, beating my wings as fast as it could.

Minutes passed as ma ranted on and on about all the mistakes I've made the past week- my whole life. Some were more hurtful than others and I flinched each time she mentioned what I did, and what I should have done.

She went on, seemingly for hours, but it was only a few minutes. Anger topped anger and her voice grew furious.

I cowered beneath her gaze, but stood still, not making a move to escape.

At the end, with a growl, she hissed out one word, "Useless."

And, I guess I was useless in more ways than one. But still- still. I could be of use, at rare times.

Wanting to prove to ma that I could be helpful, I bent down and slowly picked up shards from the floor, making sure to get every single piece. I threw the debris all away and was about to slink away, but oh, god forbids the child to escape misery.

From her regular spot at her desk, she hardly looked up from the previous paper works before she told me that she would go get pa later. I begged her not to, but my words were as useless as much as my existence.

I would tell you that he let me slip by, unharmed, but then I'd be undoubtedly lying. To myself, more than to you.

Back in my dark room, I crouched down and let tears drown my sight. I didn't want to remember, but scenes unconsciously slipped into my head.

To sum it up, pa was over drunk, and that's all you'll ever get from me.

If I think about it now, I think that it was around that time when others started calling me an emotionless child, whispering and muttering to each other that I was abnormal. From around then, I found whining useless, and never shed a single tear even when being scolded or hit. Only until I was alone in my room with my fireflies, did I ever allow myself to cry over my new bruises and scars.

Every now and then, whenever something eventful (not a good event) happened, I would go up to my room and play with the fireflies, my only friend, while mum and dad played with Yoko.

While I sneaked into the kitchen for food to eat -and if lucky, leftover treats from Yoko- said brother went to restaurants and fancy inns

While I sneaked glances into the academy to learn the most basic things, Yoko was paid to get education. (And to think that my twin had the nerve to complain about going to school.)

While I had to do something wrong to get attention (which was most of the time), Yoko smiled. He played 'cute and innocent' to get looked after.

While I was blamed for the death of our grandfather, Yoko was praised for saving the more fortunate.

Worst part? Grandfather was the chief of our village.

It was my fault that he had died.

_______

I was playing like any normal child would on a sunny day. This time however, I was playing a bit nearer the gates than usual. Skipping closer to catch more fireflies, I was caught up in my small world and let one fly out the village. I stepped outside with the tiny insect -and oh, how stupid that was. Beyond the gates, a man tapped my shoulder and asked for the chief of our village. My grandfather, specifically.

He looked nice enough. Had this fancy smile on and even gave me some treats. Nobody was there to teach me not to accept anything from strangers. I didn't know any better. Yet, so many expected me to. I didn't. I didn't.

Hesitating, I told him that I couldn't let him in, but he told me that he was a former best friend of the chief and that he could be trusted. How naive I was. After he had flashed another smile at me, I had trusted his words, and had spoken the blessings to the gates, allowing the man to enter. While only the villagers could pass and go, once you speak the proper words, others could pass freely as they wished to.

What I didn't know was that I had to de-bless it. Properly explained, I would've had to say another whole new phrase of words that I hadn't learned due to my lack of education. I hadn't known that I would have to close the gates after opening it, and never even saw the rest of the ninjas sneak in after the opening.

That day, Grandfather died in the hands of the man I had let in, and Yoko, with his educated self, knew the words to disable the gates, and had deactivated the gates in time, so that not even half of the army passed through.

I was shunned, he was raised with praises.

In the end, I guess I can't lie. I despise my twin brother. However, I knew that it was my fault, and that fact taunted me through and through. And how dare he. How dare he save the whole village.

Selfishness is a crime they tell me.

And I tell them, selfishness is a cruder form of stubborn wantings.

It had kept me alive.

So much hatred.

Much life.

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03/01/14- I'm on a roll here with this editing thing. Once again, so much mistakes and things to cut out. *Rips hair*