Perfect Imperfections

Chapter Thirteen

Peeta POV

'Would you like a muffin? A cookie? A cupcake?' My words come out in a rushed mess, clearly displaying my want to make Katniss at ease. It's not like I can help myself, the girl of my dreams is currently standing in my kitchen and can't seem to stop offering her every item in our bakery.

She laughs, somewhat nervously. "I'm okay thanks.'
'I am not letting you come into the house of a baker without eating something. How about you try a cheese bun? I made them this morning.'
Her grey eyes widened, 'This morning? How early are you awake?'
'5am.' I say, chuckling as Katniss winces at my words. 'It sounds horrible but I guess I'm used to it now.'

I step outside the kitchen quickly to grab a plateful of cheese buns off the counter before returning to her. I gesture to the wide, oak kitchen table where our chemistry and biology notes and textbooks are laid out before sitting down at it. Katniss gingerly places herself opposite me and takes a bun off of the plate. The moment she bites into it, she lets out a quiet moan of pleasure, one that makes my stomach clench.
'Peeta! These are amazing!' Katniss says eagerly, the corners of her mouth rising as she takes another bite.
I feel my cheeks flush crimson as I reply, 'They're better when they're straight out of the oven, the cheese is still gooey and warm; you'll have to try them that way sometime.'
At my words, Katniss' own cheeks flush, I guess with confusion, and I realise that I'd insinuated she'd be over here again soon. My cheeks turn an even deeper red at my realisation and I change the subject again in haste.

'So I still don't understand the whole pituitary gland and anti-diuretic hormone thing Mr Heavensbee was rambling on about last lesson."
Katniss rolls her stormy eyes, 'I think he confused everyone with that. It didn't have to be as complicated as he made it sound. I found a diagram of it on page 64 which is so much simpler.'

As she spoke, Katniss began flicking through her textbook until she found the page she was looking for. Pushing it towards me, she shoved the remainder of the cheese bun into her mouth before grabbing another.
I meet her eyes and she must mistake my amusement with something else because a guilty look overtakes her face. 'Sorry, these are just so good!'
'You have nothing to apologise for, I'm glad you like them.' I grin back at her before analysing the diagram she was talking about and taking notes from it.

We work slowly through the complicated work, surrounding ourselves in a comfortable chatter about nothing in particular as we go. It's hard for me to concentrate with Katniss sitting just a table's width away from me, close enough for me to smell the scent of her shampoo: strawberry and apple. My work rate slows down even more when she slides into the seat next to me to explain a fact about the vaccination process and stays there afterwards. Not only can I smell her intoxicating shampoo but her knees keep nudging mine under the table, seemingly making my brain turn into mush.

We get on to the subject of college and Katniss is soon telling me her plans. 'I don't want to move away, I can't really leave my sister, so I'm hoping that with a scholarship I can make it into New York University.'
'To study?'
'Environmental Science. I don't know exactly what I want to do but I've always been fascinated by nature so this seems a good route to take. I just need a really high GPA to be able to get the scholarship.' Her previously passionate expression that had overtaken her face when she was discussing about nature was replaced with a mildly stressed one as the subject came to scholarships. I know from it that she must be under a heap of pressure right now.

'I'm sure you can.' I say, placing my hand on her forearm in an attempt to calm her. 'And while we're on the subject of scholarships, thank you again for getting all that paperwork for me.'
Katniss' cheeks reddened again. 'It's really okay. As I've said, you should be doing what you want to. It's your life.' She raises her gaze to catch it with mine. 'Someone like you deserves to be happy."

I'm immediately taken aback with the ultimate softness within her voice and also inclosed in her eyes. Her gaze is a mixture of things and the overall result is something which I can't decipher. But I know what I want it to be.
Suddenly my throat and mouth feel very dry, like I've swallowed a handful of sand. It feels like there's an electric current in the air, the space around us crackling with the energy that seems to be pulsing between us.

Kiss her.

My sudden thought should shock me but it doesn't, not in the moment, because I know deep down that there is nothing else I would rather do. Maybe it's because she's so near to me or maybe it's the way she's looking at me, the gaze I'm sure is mirrored in my own eyes, or maybe it's because we've come so close in such a short time, sharing hopes, thoughts and dreams with each other. Whatever it is, my impulses take over my thoughts and I find myself leaning in towards her.

I almost can't believe it when she reflects my actions, gravitating towards me as her eyes flutter shut. The closer we get, the more the energy between us seems to grow until it's washing around us in tidal waves. And when our lips meet together, the energy explodes. My whole body is overtaken with the energy until it tingles in the tips of my fingers and simmers in the bottom of my stomach. I try to memorise every detail about her, the softness of her lips and the silkiness of her hair beneath my fingers. My one overriding thought is simply : this is where I'm meant to be.

When her own fingers rise to toy with the curls at the base of my neck, I have to bite my inner lip to keep in the moan that threatens to erupt. And that seems to be when my brain and common sense kicks in and I find myself pulling away. I can't seem to find the willpower to make my hands leave her hair though.

We are still so close that our noses are almost touching and I can feel her breath on my skin.
'I shouldn't have done that.' Katniss' gaze shifts from the soft one of earlier to one of intense vulnerability and she pulls away from me completely, her hair slipping though my fingers.
'I'm sorry, I haven't really done that before, I know I'm bad-'

How can she possible think she's bad?

'No Katniss, I didn't mean it like that. The kiss was, well, perfect; I meant that I shouldn't have been doing that. It's not fair on you.' And I see it in her eyes that she only just remembers Glimmer at that moment.
'You're making it sound like it's just your fault. It was me too. And I'm the one who's sorry, you're in a happy relationship and I shouldn't interfere.'
'Take away the word happy from that.' I pause for breath just long enough to catch the look of confusion and surprise on her face. 'It's mostly me to blame, don't deny it.'
I can tell she's about to make a retort but she catches sight of the clock behind me.

'I have to pick Prim up from dance class.' I help her collect up her stuff and have to fight back the urge to kiss her in the cheek as she leaves, distracting myself by bagging up the remaining cheese buns for her to take home.
Our eyes meet as she turns around to bid goodbye and I know that I'm not the only one on the doorstep thinking still about that kiss.

'See you Monday.'
'Have a good weekend.'

I slam the door and slump back down at the table. I need to break up with Glimmer, I can finally see how unfair it is to her to continue our "relationship" when I'm head over heels for someone else. But how I'm going to do it and how her father will react is the problem.

Song of the Chapter: Irresistible, Fall Out Boy

"You're second hand smoke,
I breathe you in but honey I don't know,
what you're doing to me, mon chérie,
but the truth catches up with us eventually."