Pet | Kylo Ren x Reader | Precious Pet Series | Book 1

There's Nothing I Can See, Darkness Becomes Me

You heard him cursing and struggling and snarling. He was being held down. No, strapped down. His head had been stabilized, so he had to close his eyes or be blinded by the extremely bright light overhead. There were sharp pinches to the skin you recognized as needle insertions.

He was mentally calling for you. He wanted to bury his face in your hair. He wanted you to hold him like you had when you watched that sling race on Coruscant. He needed you with him. He begged you for strength.

You didn't know how to give it to him. You wanted to separate him from that which he fought. You tried to tell him you were there--you heard him, you saw him, you loved him.

And then the burning started. Nerves were set alight. It was like the whole right side of your body was ignited. You struggled to understand what was going on, but you couldn't puzzle it out.

He howled and screamed for you.

You screamed right back.

You prayed for the ability to carry the load. He shouldn't have to take it alone, and neither should you. You didn't understand it when you couldn't do it. You couldn't hold onto him. It was like you were being pulled away.

You woke, breathless and vaguely claustrophobic, in the bunk with the blanket wrapped around you. The lounge was red-lit again, and you rolled over to look out into the space. With a glance down at Hux, you found him awake and watching you.

"Did I--" Your voice was hoarse from disuse and tension. You cleared your throat and tried again. "Did I wake you?"

"I don't know," he whispered back.

Ren's screams echoed and resonated within you, and you forgot what you were going to say. You didn't know if whoever had him was torturing him or treating him for an injury. You clenched your right hand to dispel the sting of needles. You supposed it could be both.

You questioned if you should tell Hux about your dream that didn't feel like a dream at all. Hux couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't like it would be motivation to heal faster. And even if it were, you had no idea where Ren was.

You reached down to touch Hux's hair, and your fingers were expecting thick waves. The fine strands of Hux's ginger hair felt wrong. They were beautiful, but not what you wanted. They were not a comfort, but you didn't stop touching him. Sometimes it wasn't about you.

"What's it like?" he softly asked out of nowhere. "Being sensitive to the Force."

"Depends. Mostly, it makes things complicated."

Sometimes it was terrifying, but you didn't want to tell him that. You saw things you didn't want to see. You could do things you shouldn't be able to do. It had exposed you to Sidious or revealed him to you. Either way, it didn't matter. Sidious had tried to kill you, and you would never listen to him again.

The Force was not your ally. You worked with it, tried to move with it, but felt more often than not that it was maneuvering you. You were a pawn, a piece to be slid across the gameboard that was the galaxy. You could rail against it, but that would just weaken you. If you were to be a pawn, you'd try to be the most valuable pawn. It was the only way to ensure you'd survive to see the future.

The Force was the gaping maw of the void and filled with the dead. Power flowed out of it to connect and claim every living thing. It was an old-fashioned coin that spun on its edge, flashing you both bright sides--lifedeathlifedeath--until it muddled together into one dazzling beacon which blinded you.

The Force was all-consuming and never-ending, and it had chosen you. You didn't know if that was necessarily a gift.

When you woke once more, it was to Jeckhum coming out of the refresher. He told you it was all yours as he set about getting a ration bar from the meager stash Yideth had. You noted that Hux looked like he would destroy another planetary system for a bite or a drink of bottled water, but you didn't comment as you left the lounge.