The Choice of Love

Chapter 3: Miss my Mom

I sat at the window, Star gazing and admiring the beauty of the full moon with billion of stars in the sky, while listening to the old songs in the radio.

The next song suddenly felt nostalgia and tears starts to form in my eyes. I heard the melody, it reminds me back when I was just a child.

Now playing: "This Girl Has Turned into a Woman."

Naalala ko pa noong bata pa ako, Ito ang lagi niyang kinakanta at ipatugtog sa radyo tuwing umaga ay hapon. I'd always remember how she'd always sing this song every family gatherings in the karaoke machine, I'd still remember everytime the chorus starts, she'd always smile and look at me. It reminds me of how she loves to sing this song.

I miss my mom.

I quickly rush into my phone and looks for her name in the contacts. Mama. I read our last message, it was 3 years ago.

Mama: Bukas na ang last treatment ko anak, sabi ng doctor pwede na daw ako makalabas ng hospital, pagkatapos.

Me: Sige po! I can't wait to see you again mama! Ingat po kayo lagi, ha! I love you mama!

Mama: I love you too, anak!

That was her last message from 3 years ago. She died from cancer, and that was supposed to be her last treatment but unluckily, she didn't survived. I still don't know what happened that time, all I know is I miss her so much.

Every night, I'd always sit by the window, Star gazing and talks to the moon, because I know she'd always be there listening to me in the heaven.

"I love you mama, goodbye!" I said while wiping my tears away and looking at the moon and stars one last time.

A message pop up in my phone, It was my Dad.

Dad: Your flight tomorrow has now been settled anak, Bukas na ang depature mo, Mag ingat ka sa byahe.

Me: Opo dad, meet me at the airport po ha?

Dad: Sige no problem anak, just text me kapag malapit na kana mag arrived, I love you!

Me: I love you too, dad.

I put away my phone and starts to pack my things I need for tomorrow. I always go to his place every summer, kailangan ko ng vacation.

Dad married a new woman a year later after mom died, since then they build a family and decided to live in Launceston, Australia. Maganda ang place nila dun, I always visit them every summer.

Every summer lang ako pumupunta dun, kasi mas gusto ko dito ako sa Pilipinas maka tapos ng pag-aaral, I lived in our house, pumupunta naman si dad dito at mas entrusted maids naman kami.

I still remember how I often cried myself every night asking myself, what happened that time, why dad married a new woman, was I a good daughter, walang ma sabihan ng mga problema, malayo si Dad, at busy ang mga friends relatives ko sa work.

I still love my dad though, at first it was hard to accept but nasanay naman ako. Mabait naman ang second Mom ko pero I never really cared about their relationship as long they supported me through my choices in life and accept me then I'm willing to accept them also.

My dad's second wife helped us naman, she prepared foods for us, but we never really talked anything deep or serious, like me and mom did. Every night, Me and mom talked about things like the plans for my future, and she'd make sure to choose what's best for me.

As they say, mother's knows best.

But because of that I learned to cope things up on my own, to deal my own problems, I became more independent and learn to be more wise, because I realized that you only have people around you during your happy times in life, and not in your sad times, but even if you do, they still cannot help you deal with it, because in the end of the day.

only ourselves can help ourselves.

A message pops up in my phone again, Dad sent me the details about my flight.

Approximately, 20 hours ang patungo sa place nila Dad. 19 hours from Manila, Philippines to Sydney, Australia, tsaka another 1 hour plane ride from Sydney to Launceston.

Miss ko na din pumuntang Australia, kahit wala naman akong masyadong kilala dun, I miss it. Not just the place but the feeling, nababawasan ang stress ko pag nandun ako. Malapit lang din naman sa beach ang place nila Dad, that's why every night pumupunta ako sa shore magpapahangin, while the full moon shines so bright together with the stars, and listening to music.

I wondered how will Mom felt pag naka punta siya dun.

I finish packing my things for tomorrow in my suitcase, and also the important things in my sling bag like my phone, passport, wallet and etc. After packing my things, I looked around my apartment, it was almost half empty.

I only bring the things that are necessary for me in Australia, not too much.

I also brought the things that I will surely miss while I'm in Australia. Especially, the photo albums with my friends, relatives, my Mom, and lastly our family photo. I also put them in my sling bag.

Mom has a very pure filipina beauty, nag mana talaga ako sa ka niya. Mom is pure Filipino and my dad is half Filipino and half Australian that's why I have a very unique beauty.

Not just me, We all have different and a very unique beauty. We are all beautiful.

I want to stay in Australia for awhile with my dad kase nahihirapan na ako mag-isa dito, madaming problema ang mga dumagdag lalo't na nagbreak kami ni Xion, I wanted a break from everything.

Palagi ko nalang tinatanong at iniisip, ba't kaya nangyare lahat sa'kin? Nagbreak kami ni Xion, and namatay si mama. They said everything happens for a reason, but was the reason really that worth it to hurt me like that?

Sometimes gusto ko nalang maging hatdog. Ba't kase ang hirap ng buhay? Ba't kase lahat ng mahal ko nawawala?! Am i a cursed to make the people i love disappear? I asked everything when i didn't notice nakatulog na pala ako.