these 4 walls (LM ff)

9

My lazy ass didn't control this. Sorry 'bout it 😂

Slowly I opend my eyes and found myself lying on the couch. Have I slept here? I sat up and my head started burning. I looked at the table in front of me and shallow. I didn't do this again. No no. On the table were lots of beer, champagne yeah even alcoholic drinks I don't even like.
The only good think about this is. That I finally got enough sleep.
Totley overwhelmed I stood up and walk through the living room. This couldn't be me anymore. What would the world think about me? What would the fans about me? I'm such a bad idol when I'm being an alcoholic. Yeah I call myself that know because that's what I am an alcoholic. You maybe though I stopped drinking yesterday. Bc I pushed the bottle away after the talk with Jed. Wait Jed. What would Jed think about me? Oh my god. What if he breaks up with me! I can let this happen but its just feels amazing to forget the pain I am in. This just hurts me so much. I need those girls. I just need them. They always been there when I was feeling a bit down but now they aren't here. They just aren't here. This was the moment where I broke down in tears. With a loud sound I landed on the floor and cried in my hands.
When those girls die my life doesn't give sense anymore. What should I please do then? Sing on my own. No. I can't do that. I need them. They give me confidence. They talk to me, They are here for me, they lough with me.
I cried for a maybe and hour then it finally got better. I stood up but before I could grab a bottle of whine I ran upstairs and got ready to visit the girls. Because the thing I want is to nobody let know how I'm feeling.
I looked in the morro after my shower and gasped. How looked bad. Yeah really bad. Big eye bags are under my eyes and some pimples are on my forehead. I sighed because I have to cover at least my eye bags. The other things I don't care about.
So I got dressed and but the make up on. I sighed loud and looked in the mirror again. I just didn't see me. It was completely different person. Who was completely broken. I felt how tears were in my eyes and they slowly flow down my cheek. I sighed, took my shoes and jacket on and left the house.

I stood at the door of my best friends in the hostel room and sighed loud. "This just can't happen", I whispered it myself. I walk without saying something inside and took the the chair next to Leigh's bed. Then I sat down in middle of the room. I pulled my legs to my body and hugged them. "I-i", I started to stutter and sob and the same time. "I miss you", was the 3 words what left my mouth. I looked down on the white floor of the room. And sniffed. "W-why can't you wake up? You just have to open your eyes. That isn't hard", I sobbed. Of course being in a coma isn't like sleeping you can't just open your eyes but at this moment I just was feeling down.
"It would be much easier being sad if you were awake and talk to me that everything will be alright. Like you always do. You always say that to me. When I'm feeling down",I said and sniffed again.
"I love you, girls", I whisperd then.
I stood up and put the chair to his place again. Then I walked to the window of the room and look out of it. Then I looked to my right sight. I saw a 'sleeping' Perrie. I smiled a bit and walked to her bed and sat down next to her. I took her hand. In my and invited our fingers. It's strange holding the hands of them. It's just that they don't something. They just hang down when I hold them. And I also don't feel how they hold them. Basically I hold them and they do nothing. Slowly I started stroking her hand with my tump. "I love you, Pez", I said. And then I felt how see squeezed my hand. The day before Leigh did that and now she did that. How shocked like I was yesterday. I looked at her. "Pez? D-do y-you h-hear me?", i asked her. Then she squeezed my hand again. Maybe wanting to say yes. A smile grew on my face. I let go Perrie hand I pressed a friendly kiss on her cheek. I turned then around and walked to Jesy. I sat down to her and took also her hand in mine. And look at her. "I miss you", I said. I hope that she would squeeze my hand too. But she didn't do anything. I sighed loud. "I'll take this as a 'miss you too' hun", I said and kissed also her cheek. I stood them and sat down next to Leigh's bed. I took her hand in my hand. And in this moment I did that she squeeze it. I smile lightly and stroke her hand with my tumps. I have her a kiss on the cheek when suddenly my phone starts ringing. I took it out of my pocket and saw Jed's name. He probably search me. I picked up.

"Jade! Babe are you okay?" he asked worried

"Yeah I am", I said.

"Where are you? ', he asked.

"In the hospital", I said. Where else should I be.

He sighed relief. "I'm at yours now. I' ll wait for you", He said.

"Ok", I nodded.

"Good, bye love you", He said.

"Bye, love you too", I said. I hung and sighed. Wait... He. Saw. The. Bottles!
I started blushing. "I did something bad", I said to myself. Then I felt a squeeze again. I looked down and saw that I still hold Leigh's hand. "What does that now mean Leigh?", I chuckled. She squeezed again. "You want to know that or what?", I asked.
She squeezed again. "Well... I take this as a yes. Jed probably saw the bottles of alcohol in my living room", I said and blushed. She squeezed my hand. "I don't understand this 'squeezing' so I really can't continue this conversation with you", I said. She squeezed again. "I'll come tomorrow again. See you girls", I said and stood up.

This can't be so bad Jade. Calm down.