Colors Radiated [on hold]

Red

I waited for your text the whole day Malek, but you didn't text. Honestly, I don't know why I thought you would text even in the first place. I have heard often that guys only take girls number just because they see it as a challenge, getting her number, I guess that was true.

 After having a healthy conversation with a person after such a long time other than my friends, I couldn't let you pass by that easy. I kept on contemplating things to write to you. I went to my room exhausted. I wasn't exhausted because of anything I did but by the amount of thoughts that have been running in my head.

I never had any relationship higher than a 'hi' and a 'bye' with my roomie. She did drugs, never missed a party, and got to the room drunk with her different, so called, boyfriends, almost every night. But tonight, it was different. I found her sober and quite early in the room.

 "Hi Katelyn" I said to her. 

"So, I heard you've been hanging out with Malek!" She said. 

For a second, I was scared that she might have been one of those girls Sash told me about, those who wanted to get him but failed. 

"Is he a good kisser?" She continued speaking.

"No!" I exclaimed.

"He isn't? Holy Christ!"

"No, no that's not what I meant..."

"You don't have to say anything! Holy shit!" She interrupted me from speaking and sprung up the bed and rushed out the door without even giving me a second to say anything.

You are so screwed Jessica! I was in a horrible shock that I had a mini panic attack and just sat on my bed for the next minutes trying to collect my thoughts into one piece. Katelyn is one person that I can never trust to keep something like that to herself. The fact that Sash told me about women being all over him added to my stress. The need to text you grew onto me, but I was confused about what was the right thing to even do. I decided to shut out the voices in my head and sleep. I knew I would have those nightmares again, but I couldn't afford to sit alone in silence while the demons in me kept screaming awful things, so I got in bed to shut my eyes.

I woke up sweating at 4a.m. and I couldn't sleep back or more like I have had enough of those nightmares that scare the shit out of me. I put on one of my red hoods and grey sweatpants, put on my Nike shoe. I connected my air pods to my phone and opened the song "Faking it" by Sasha Sloan and went out for a run. I run until I couldn't breath anymore. It was 5a.m. when I got by the small lake near the campus. There was no one around so I thought of taking a short swim. I took of my clothes and got in. 

The water was ice cold, colder than my usual cold shower, but it was just what I needed after sweating like a dog from the run. I dived in to get my whole body exposed to the water. As I got out, I saw you standing by the side of the Lake. 

Hell no! Not Malek again!

I immersed myself in the water again. When I got out you weren't there anymore. Are you having daydreams about him now? I sunk in again until the water numbed me, and I got out and you were standing right at the exact spot as previous. 

Shit!

I immediately realized that it wasn't you and that my head had started messing with me again. I swam as fast as I could to the side of the lake picked up my clothes and started running for my life. I didn't even realize that I was only in my underwear and bra when I reached the campus, and everyone started staring at me. Feeling embarrassed, I run behind one of the old big trees in the campus ground and put my hoodie on followed by my sweatpants. I was still wet that I felt my sweatpants stick to my body, but I couldn't care less. I hurried to my room to get myself in a presentable form.