Silver Lining

26. First posts

8 days after

Kidnapping information hot line, December 11 2014, 4:29am

Operator: "Hello, you've reached the information hot line for the kidnapping of Madison Shaw. Do you have any information?" The operator yawns, wondering why someone would call this early in the morning, especially when they had already found the girl.

Tanya: "Um, yes, I have information. I'm calling because.... well, Michael kidnapped me once as well, two years ago." The girl sniffs, and a baby can be heard crying in the background.

Operator: "Wow, um, I was not expecting that. Sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

Tanya: "I didn't. My name is Tanya Oakley."

Operator: "Okay. How long were you kidnapped for?"

Tanya: "Five days." Her voice shakes, remembering the awful things that happened in those five days, and the fear that surrounded her for months after.

Operator: "Did he abuse you or hurt you physically?"

Tanya: "He'd make a new cut on my leg each night. He also handcuffed me to a iron loop in the wall for hours on end while he went and got drunk. And he raped me." She said the last bit quietly, almost as if she was ashamed.

Operator: "Okay Tanya, thank you for calling. Could you give me your phone number and email address, and I'll contact you with some details. Would you be willing to speak to the police?"

Tanya: "Uh, yea, I guess so." She sounds like she doesn't want to speak to anyone about it, she just wants to forget.

***

They told me some days would be worse than others. Some days I'd be okay and happy, and some days I wouldn't even want to get out of bed.
I had been so sure I wouldn't have any of those day, the ones where I wouldn't want to get out of bed.
This was one of those days.

Zoe was coming again today. I had been seeing her every other day, and I liked talking to her. At first, I didn't want to do the therapy, and I was sure I would hate it and it wouldn't help at all. But it did help. I didn't even see it as therapy, just talking to a friend.

Theo finally got me out of bed at twelve, because I could smell the bacon he was cooking for lunch. After we had bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches, I decided I'd get dressed before Zoe got here. I threw on a pair of old sweatpants and a tank top, and looked in the mirror. My hair was terrible, and I had huge bags under my eyes, but if you thought I was going to do my hair and makeup you had another thing coming.

I was sitting on the floor criss cross with my headphones on and my eyes closed when Zoe rung the doorbell. Theo went to let her in, and I paused the music, and waited for them to come into the living room where I was. They didn't, and I could hear them talking in the hall. "Today hasn't been so good for her," I heard Theo say.

"Oh? How do you mean?" Zoe asked.

"Last night, we received a letter from Michael," Theo told her, and I could hear Zoe's gasp. "One of his friends had been holding onto it for him, and delivered it. It's got her really worried."

There was silence for a moment, and then a sniff. "Hey, it'll be okay. Madison will get through this. She's strong. And she's lucky to have you." Zoe said after a moment. Was Theo crying?

After another minute they came into the living room. Theo went into the kitchen, and started making whatever food he was making. Zoe and I sat on the black leather couch. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on my knees, looking at Zoe.
"I heard he sent a letter," she said after a moment.

I nodded miserably.

"Do you want me to read it?"

I shrugged. "Only if you want to."

"I don't mind," she said. "It's up to you."

I stood up and got the letter from the dining room table, and handed it to Zoe. I had wanted to tear it up and set fire to it, but Theo said we should keep it in case we need to show the police or need it as evidence or something. I suppose it made sense, but I hated being near the letter.

Zoe read through the letter, her face neutral. "Is the first time he sent you a letter?"

I shook my head. "But we don't have the other ones. I hated them so much that I tore them up."

Zoe nodded, her expression concerned."And you never spoke to anyone about this?"

"I told Theo."

"I meant like another therapist or psychologist. Or the police."

I looked at the floor, still scared to look into someones eyes for too long. Just in case they saw.
"We talked to the police, but they said there wasn't enough evidence to do anything."

The feeling the other day that I had before the panic attack came back, which made me want to get out of here, and out into the open daylight. Zoe must of seen it in my eyes, because she quicky changed the subject.
"Have you been on any social media yet?"

"No." My voice wobbled a bit. "Well, I've had a quick look at some of the comments on my last posts before... you know. It's mostly people saying how glad they are I'm alright, and some people asking if I was taking a break from social media."

"And are you? Taking a break?"

I sighed. "I didn't mean to, but I don't know what I would say if I did post something. I've tried planned what I would say so many times, but I just can't think of anything. I can't just pretend that nothing happened, because everyone knows about it anyway, but I'm not sure what I should say about it."

Zoe nodded. "If you could come up with what you would say, would you be comfortable posting?"

I thought about this for a second. "I would, but I don't want to tell the whole world exactly what happened. Because it would scare people, I think."

Zoe nodded. "What if I helped you come up with something to post? Might be a good way of confronting it."

I was going to have to post sooner or later, might as well be now.

After an hour of drafting a suitable post for Instagram and Facebook, as well as my blog, we had finally come up with this:

Hello everyone!
I'm sure you're all aware of what happened during the last couple of weeks, and I really appreciate everyones support.
I hope you all understand if I don't post that much for the moment, just to get my thoughts straight and to collect myself.
Love you all!
Madison xx