ONCE (JoongNine AU)

Chapter 3

Nine

I took a heavy breath for the umpteenth time. Today I needed to see him again, for one last time. Since the start of this project, we met for a few shoots already. It's for a travel show, to promote an international hotel chain across Thailand together with places of interest, sponsored by a well-known travel agency. We tried to be professional and civil in front of the crews, only our managers knew about our broken relationship. After the end of the series and the start of our clash, I chose to end the contract with MHEnt, mutually, to allow Joong to remain with them. He was too young to search for a new company, and MH could take good care of him. Yes, I couldn't help but still think of him first, no matter how sour our ending was.

What happened a week ago at the club was still fresh in my mind. The party was held for the success of the shootings for the show and the great ratings it received for earlier episodes. Because the clash of our busy schedules after this, the production team decided to hold the party before this final shoot, so that everybody could attend and had a good time. Except me.

As much as I tried to play ignorant, my eyes kept darting to wherever he was. He was amicable with everyone, but determinedly ignoring me. At one point, I felt liked telling my manager to depart early, when I saw him talking happily to a group of ladies at one table, must be his fans. His popularity rose steadily all these years, no surprise, since even in his debut, project after project kept coming to him. While I was moodily swirling my drink, a guy who came alone to the club sat beside me and we strike up an easy conversation. It seemed we got a few shared interests, so, my mood that was a bit sour earlier, forgotten for a while.

It was a surprise to see Joong in an embrace in front of the bathroom. Though he was adult enough to venture into any kind of relationship, a small part of me feel angry that he did it without so much concern. Joong that I knew; an innocent, a bit shy but carefree; had diminished when I wasn't looking, and somehow replaced by this bold stranger that I didn't know.

His words, that he wanted me to feel as divided as what he felt, actually had happened since the highly publicised signing event. The requests from the reporters and fans to stood closer together for photos, had almost caused me a heart attack for the constant strong beats that refused to slow down, yet my face hid everything well. I could feel his hot breaths at the side my face and the firm hand that moved from my shoulder to my back and ended gripping my waist securely. It was nothing to the eyes of others, that poses were naturally done years ago, maybe even closer than that. Yet now, the close proximity made me realized, he had grown; taller, more defined, tougher; and it had made me feel liked such a small kitten wrapped in his arm.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone call from my manager, asking me to come down to the lobby, the production called him that the van had arrived. Yes, we would go to a place that was 3 hours' drive from Bangkok. My manager that also managed another junior artist in our company, had another business to attend and thus couldn't follow for this shoot. As soon as I entered the van, I could see Joong who was already inside; wearing a hoodie, listening to music, wearing dark glasses and definitely erected an invisible armour to ignore me totally. I didn't see his manager too, meaning, we're both on our own with the crews.

Joong

Halfway through the 3 hours' drive, felt liked dungeon. So quiet, only the music that blasted from my earphones accompanied me along the way. To be honest, when looking back at the night at the club, my attitude was horrible. But, I couldn't help it. I was pissed off that we're already almost at the end of the project, yet Nine who was still cold towards me, could easily talk with a stranger...happily. Even if what we had before was gone, fellow artists, liked what P'Kay said, should be civil, or at least talk outside of the shoot. But, we didn't, we couldn't.

To blame him alone, I couldn't, because I remained cold too. It was my hot headedness again, that prevented me from relenting first, both didn't want to be the bigger person. Long ago, when I was young, even though I sulked so frequently, Nine usually relented and gave up first. Maybe because he was older than me, caused him to feel a sense of responsibility. But now, we were nothing to each other, he didn't have to relent to anything related to me.

My moody thoughts were broken when the driver stopped by at a rest stop; he needed a toilet break. I looked at Nine who was sleeping; his head was slanted sideways in an uncomfortable position. I was thinking that, if only he would ask, I would readily lend my shoulder for support. We were seated with a space in between. The back seats were reserved for luggages and a few production's equipment. These were extra props to be brought, but then there's not enough space in the crew's van that had departed earlier.

When the van was moving again, and I saw his head lolling uncomfortably with every bump on the road; I couldn't stay still and slowly moved closer to his side. Naturally, I let his head landed on my shoulder; although I needed to lounge a bit to match his height. Damn, this position would break my waist, but it didn't matter. After some time, though I tried to stay awake, the bumping lulled me into sleepiness too. My head unconsciously leaned sideways, to lie lightly on his soft hair. The sweet fragrance that was so familiar bombarded my nostrils, so I closed my eyes; finally, feeling a sense of comfort...that was so long forgotten.