ONCE (JoongNine AU)

Chapter 8

Barely after 5 years ago, A fortnight After The Last Kiss

Joong

Nine was leaving the company. P'Kay told me while we were going to a photoshoot for a teen magazine. My face showed nothing, almost liked I didn't care. But, my heart was hurting. How bad was it for him, what was his feeling when we kissed, that he couldn't even bare to be in the same place with me? I finished the photoshoot swiftly. Somehow, all I want to do was stay at home, hiding under a blanket, and be miserable. Why does it feel unfair to be despised so much so, only because of a kiss? If he didn't like it, he could just tell me directly, make it clear, then we could tell P'Nam not to include the actual scene and just play with camera angles. People would understand anyway, I am just eighteen.

When we arrived at MH, so many people were already there, it seemed there's a surprise farewell party for Nine. P'Kay gave me a sheepish smile, he knew the ongoings, but kept it a secret. So, that's why he insisted that we needed to go back to MH first, saying that he left some important documents there. I couldn't escape, since P'Kay had already said he would send me home today. We entered MH and went to the dance practice area. As soon as we entered, everybody was so happy that I managed to come and pushed me to stand beside Nine.

It was just 2 weeks ago that he pushed me away, the taste of his lips on mine had not yet diminished from my mind. People were clapping and teasing us to hold hands. I hesitated because Nine would be uncomfortable. I almost rejected the idea, but then I felt his fingers lacing with mine and held it tight. So, he wanted to pretend still in front of people, my eyes felt prickly, but my heart had lost any feeling. I didn't put any effort to fight, and just hold his hand back, let him control the pace. I would treat this as another work, our friends here were the crews, this was the last shooting for the final episode, of a broken-hearted drama.

Nine

"Are you sure, Nine, that you would like to do this?", P'Lui, the owner of MH asked me for the umpteenth time. I nodded again. "Were you not satisfied with any part of the contract, or the work condition? You could tell me. This is just a small company, every artist is precious to us, so we will try to improve".

"No,P'. Nothing about MH is the problem. I really like it here", I said quietly.

"Then, is this about Joong?", P'Lui said directly, and his words cause me to raise my head and widened my eyes, P'Lui knew?.

"P' didn't know the detail of what is going on between the two of you. But, P'Kay told me you were not as close as before. And it had started since filming the drama series. If you don't mind, tell me about that, so that P' could understand".

"I couldn't tell you P', not because I don't trust you, but ...because I didn't know the cause of it too. All I know is, Joong...suddenly just treated me as a stranger".

"Nine, both of you have strong personalities. Your relationship is close, but also fiery. Lucky, usually you get back together fast after a fight, or else you could break up a long time ago with the amount of fights there were. Talk to him one more time, I knew you can do it, not because you are older, but because you sincerely love that boy, which P' could see, but in what way, that's for you to decide". P'Lui tapped my hand and gave a comfortable smile, liked a fatherly figure he was.

While holding his hand, I remembered back the talk I had with P'Lui a week before the disastrous night that had escalated out of my control. I stick with my original decision, to leave MH to give Joong some space to breathe, so did I, who needed a fresh air too. So, this was the best option there was. I had people around to support me, finding new place, new ventures. Even if it would be difficult, I still had home and family to return to and cry. But Joong, MH was his family, his aunt was not in this industry and was out of the country most of the time. Here was his safe place. I wanted him to be in this safe place, away from harm, away from any further hardships that come for being in a volatile industry.

There's no feeling of warmth coming for the person beside me. He was holding my hand back, but being so attuned to his body language, told me that this was just a pretense; liked how we went about the past few months together. To him, this was a part of work. It's alright, as long as he didn't pull his hand away. I really wanted to hold this hand for the last time. No more. After this, we would really stop pretending and just let go.

"Nine, a few words please...to all of us. To Joong, you could say it later...in private", P'Nook said and teasing me at the same time. I had told everything to P'Nook. He knew how I felt about Joong, though he didn't know that we were not back to how we were before. P'Nook's words brought an uproar to the team, they were really shipping us together. I just smiled and started to talk when the uproar cooled down.

"Thank you everyone, for taking care of me since the start. I'm really grateful to all of you for being the kindest people I've met in this industry, when I am too lacking. I pray for the success of MH and sorry for everything. It's not that I wanted to leave early, it's just that I need to concentrate on study, and help with my father's business first. I wish we could meet again when I returned...please take care of me at that time too, na. I love you all".

Joong took the chance to let go of my hand to clap liked everyone else, and then kept his hand linked at his back. A cold sign that he didn't want it to be held again. I swallowed hard, and suddenly forced the words that I had wanted to say in private, but thought otherwise; his reaction showed that the chance for him to listen was too slim.

"And Joong...". Everyone went back to their quite mode, surprised that I chose to say my last word to Joong, right now and here. I turned to look directly at him, waiting for him to look directly at me too. "Be a good kid. Don't sulk too much, no one here could manage your mood now", my words brought laughter to the team, "I was your first kiss, everybody knows, so there's no chance for you to forget it". The team was teasing me to kiss him again, so I stepped forward, raised myself to kiss his cheek soundly, "Thank you for a memorable time", and wrapped my arms around him tight. The team was clapping happily and whistling. Yet, the deafening sound, couldn't hide the voice of my weeping heart.