Maybe In Another Life | Kellic (boyxboy)

The letter (Final)

The Universe works in mysterious ways.

Sometimes things happen in your life, really bad, terrible things, and you have no clue why they had to happen the way they did. You don't understand why they had to happen to you. And you fall into this dark hole of desperation because your life as you knew it, will never be the same again. And you give yourself hell because you think you could've changed something, that if this didn't happened then this wouldn't either and so on. And you miss and miss and miss until your heart aches so much you don't know what to do with yourself, longing to bring back the past, thinking about it constantly, never moving on. Wishing so badly to go back to those days where everything felt normal, where everything was okay.

And you're allowed to feel all that. You have every right to be upset, angry, sad. But there also comes a day where it all just stops and fades away. And you finally realize that you don't miss it that much anymore. That you don't think about him anymore. It's the normal course of things, of time. My therapist used to tell me time heals all wounds and that eventually mine were going to heal as well, but in reality I think you just end up forgetting because you have other stuff going on.

And so you learn to live with the fact that things happened, you accept it and you store it in the far back of your head. You get up, dust off your pants and climb up to the surface again. You carry on with your life. It took a lot for me to get there, but I did. The Universe wanted me to wake up. It wanted me to live. It wanted me to meet someone new. It wanted me to feel love again. And I accepted everything.

But then the Universe played me once again.

The weirdest part about crossing paths with Vic Fuentes again wasn't how unexpectedly out of nowhere it was, but how easy it was for me to be around him again. I guess timing really is everything.

Fourteen years ago I would've cried my eyes out the second I saw him. Ten years ago I would've punched him in the face. Five years ago I would've awkwardly said hi and bye in the same sentence. But now, I don't know how it was all so different.

For the longest time I felt so much anger, so much sadness. And I did kind of hate him for a bit. I mean, I never needed therapy until he left. That's reason enough. And it took a lot to get myself back on track with my life, but I did in the end. Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for the things we overcome on our own. But then he found me again.

It's funny how I never realized just how badly I needed to say everything I said to him today to his face. To finally let him know what he did to me. It hurt a lot to do it, to bring back everything I had put away from my memories, but I'm glad we did this, that we had this chance.

Now everything is said and done forever. Or at least that's what I'd like to think.

We listened to a few more albums on his iPod. And we sang along to a lot of other songs. And it was fine. We were fine. I was fine. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel like that, but I did. And I don't know what was making me stay longer. It was already nearing midnight and I showed no signs of leaving. Oliver texted me already that he was going to sleep and I replied my goodnight in a heartbeat. It was only when my sister called me, maybe an hour later asking me when was I finally going back to her house that I took it as my sign to finally go.

So now we're inside the house again, and I'm helping Vic with the cleaning of the living room. I leave the speakers where I found them and arrange back the cushions on the couch. Vic goes to get something he forgot upstairs and I sigh as I take one last look at this house. A lot of good things happened here. And I'm surprised the memories finally make me smile again. They tug at my heart yes, but it's not as bad as before.

Shortly after we walk together to where my car is parked up front. It probably takes us seconds to cross the street, but it feels longer. I can't stop wondering if we're going to keep in touch after this. To be honest I'd rather we didn't. Even if we're on the same page about what happened with us, we both have our separate lives and I don't think either of us want to get in the way of that. It would complicate a lot of things.