Illicit Affairs

fifteen. dearest friend

The next day, my feelings have set in. It's completely unreal, but feels like it was meant to be.

It's morning, and somehow Aria is already gone. It's like she wants to avoid me, which is something that leaves me questioning everything. I had obviously enjoyed the kiss, and it seemed like she had too. Right after it had happened, she had remained speechless and was void of her cranky and clever comments. I feel like there surely must be something more to it.

Nothing is as simple as it seems, and Aria's existence is proof of that. I want to know what's happening in her mind.

I also want to know what's happening in my mind. Everything is so complicated.

Like I said, I enjoyed the kiss.

A lot. 

I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about the guy who lives a building across from me. I'm worried about my boyfriend.

I know that we aren't in a real relationship, but I still feel some concerns about having cheated on him. Is it considered cheating when you're fake dating someone to get the approval of your parents?

That's why everything is so complicated. Despite my joy about the kiss, I'm still thinking about whether I should feel guilty about my family.

I can never truly be happy without reality setting in. That's how my life is, and Aria's existence won't change that.

Looking down at my empty palms, I quickly decide that enough is enough. I grab my thick jacket hanging from the wall, and bend down to put on my trusted combat boots. As I look out my window, I know that the extra attire will be needed. The snow doesn't seem to be stopping as it covers everything and everyone.

I'm used to usual winter days, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't annoy me as I nearly trip over myself on the ice. I hear sounds of laughter which promptly makes me look in that direction. Of course, it's Aria.

She's about to head inside the building and takes off her fuzzy hat, smirking at my trouble. I ask her why she's avoiding me. She shakes her head before saying, "stay safe babe!" She leaves me behind in the falling snow, wondering what the hell is going on.

Her response is expected. If it's hard for her to talk when we're alone, then I shouldn't assume that she'll do so when other people are hanging around. Everyone brushes past me, some muttering insults under their breath for my slowness, and others politely saying "excuse me."

I hang my head low and keep my hands in my pockets, marvelling at the beauty of the grey sky. Despite my conflicts with myself and with Aria, the simplicity of nature will never fail to take my breath away.

Sometimes literally, which makes me laugh as I remember this one time when I was just a child, I had nearly passed out from spending all day in the snow without the proper clothes. My parents had tried to drag me inside, but I always refused because I wanted to build snowmen and forts. I was so naive that it wasn't until my cheeks were turning a dangerous shade of blue that I gave up.

I miss being a child and doing whatever the fuck I wanted to do, no matter how stupid it seemed.

As I walk through a freshly shoveled path, I find my way to Spencer's building. I make my way inside, taking the usual way to his room. When I try to open the door, I realize that it's locked.

It's never locked.

I start to knock on the door, worrying that something may have happened to Spencer. I rest my head on it, trying to get a closer sense of what may be occurring in there. I listen to the faint sounds of swear words and rustling before I'm thrown back by the sudden swing of the door. I almost trip on myself, again, but I manage to catch myself before anything bad happens.