Sold to One Dierection?!?-CRACK FIC

Part too: One Direcstsion ownes me?!

I'm stil crying en th van when the one directsion members get in.

  "Hi I'm (Wait I actually don't know this, let me go google it) Hairy." On said he had curly bron hare and (what are some other physical attributes Harry Styles has, be right back) looked like his midl nayme wuz Edward an his dayte of berth wuz Februauary 1st 1994 and he may hav also ben borne in the town of Redditch, Worcestershire, England. I mean I'm just spitballing here, is knot lyke his 2017 self-titled debut album toped the charts in fourteen countries that'd be ridiculous.

Anyways there were like four other guys but they don mayter.

I blooshed (slight side note, this kept autocorrecting to bloodshed, which I think is what will happen after I finish this fic), my payle skin terning a payle pynk. Hairy loked awae, the smexual tensyon inn the car was thru the roof. I sylently cersed myself four blushing. Hairy wuz ordinary and mainstreem, and I wuz quirky and alternative. Besydes, Eye wuz alreadee inn a committed relationship wif Gererd Wae, even if Hee didn no it.

  But somefing about Hairy's O R B S mayde my hart due backflips. I could feel my severe mental illness commonly known as depression beginning to get better because I looked at someone's eyes, which is exactly how real life works.

Hairy began two dryve awae from ma house, where thee other fore members of one directiosjdbd taked to heem. I couldn understand them bcuz they wer speaking inn side character.

As wee drove down a highwae my depression came bayk an I started two cry.

"Oh no Luna don cry" Hairy turned around, tayking his hans off th weel and wiping ma tear-stayned cheaks. The feeling of his han on ma fayce wuz relly nice. Sew nice, inn fact, that eye didn't even feyl it wen the van veered into another lane of traffic, forcing a school bus of blind, deaf, orphans off the side of the road and down a mountainside. Hairy's han wyped ma teers awae as the other fore members of one dowgeheisusy watched in side character.

Somehow weee mayde it too their myusic studyo, and I wyped the last few teers out of ma (this is for you ShriekyNoodleFlute11)  purple O R B S, my orbrows drawn together cutely as a lone teer fell dramatically off ma orblashes. Hairy and the not-so-fantastic four got out of the van, an Hairy helped mee out.

Weee walked into the studio, an no one questioned why a random teenage girl had been sold to a prominent boy band. Sure it seemed like the base for a huge scandal, but hey, at least Luna's O R B S are pretty.

"Hey Female-Who-Has-A-Thinly-Veiled-Crush-On-Me this is Luna." Hairy sayd as the four side characters nodded mutely. Female-Who-Has-A-Thinly-Veiled-Crush-On-Me, or FWHATVCOM (I think that's the sound cats make when they need to cough up A hairball) for short glared at mee. I glayred bayk, styking my myddle fynger up at her. She flipped her blonde hayre over her shoulders and walked away, but not beyfore blowing Hairy a kyss.

He did notyce, as he wuz busy re-evaluating all the life decisions he had made that had somehow led him to such a low point that he had to buy a teenage girl off an alcoholic mother. What was he supposed to do with her? Did she expect to join the band? Is buying children in such a fashion even legal anymore? Could he get arrested for this? What would CPS say about the fact that a purchased a child? Was One Direction expected to raise her? Did they share custody of Luna? These questions and more would be what kept Harry Styles up at night, as he stared out a window into a nearby alleyway, where the local crackhead was attempting to fight a alarmingly large rat for half a moldy poppyseed bagel.

Anyways, Luna's O R B S am I right?

I slunk of two a nearby chayre, sytting in it quirkily and blasting MCR thru my blayk hedfones.

"🏳️‍🌈Wut r u lystening two🏳️‍🌈?" A voice asked gayly. I looked up. Inn frount of mee wuz a gay guy. He had gay browne hayre and gay bluu eyes and he wore a gay scarfe around his gay nek and her war a gay shirt over a gay belte over a gay payre of payntes over gay socks over gay underwear. I assooomed this wuz ma token gay fren.

"Im lystening to MCR." Eye sayd. "There a quirkeee band and I'm maryed to the leed synger."

"🏳️‍🌈That's cool.🏳️‍🌈" He sayd gayly.

"Yea. Do u want 2 lysten?" I offered. He nodded gayly, crossing his leygs b4 tayking ma headfones. As son as hee touched theym, they turned raynbow and gae, and I could heer muffled strayns of Sweater Weather and Girl in Red coming from the hedfones. I hayd to resist the urge to cuff my jeans as every homophobe in a fifty mile radius realized they were just projecting theirs hatred of themselves onto other people, and put down their picket signs and went on to live unproblematic lives and support the LGBTQ+ community for as long as they lived.

"🏳️‍🌈Eye lyke MCR, they sound kewl.🏳️‍🌈" ma token gay friend sayd gayly.

"Me two, that's why I listen two them."

"Luna, were going upstayrs, come on." Hairy said.

"It wuz nyce meeting u." I sayd.

"🏳️‍🌈U 2. Here's ma phone number incase u need two chat🏳️‍🌈." He sayd gayly and left gayly, an iced coffee having magically appeared in his hand.

I entered his # in2 ma fone an went upstayrs to c ma knew room.

Wow guys this is so exiting isn't it XDDDDD!1!1!!1 I hope you like the new characters I spent 30 seconds thinking them up!

-1DStan12345

I am so sorry for forcing this upon your eyes.