Come What May

Chapter 8

A few days easily passed and Mary awoke later in the morning than she would've liked; hardly any sun penetrated through the curtains and London seemed gloomy. The sky was not painted a relaxing blue or even a harsh grey; instead it was a piercing white that lay above the city – with no hint of colour breaking through. Mary rolled over in the bed to find that the space next to her was empty and cold. A dainty note with solid handwriting graced the pillow. She examined the document…

'Mary,
Sorry to leave you without saying anything, but I decided to do some of the earlier jobs with the sweeps, that way I can leave at midday. Hope things aren't too boring without me.
All my love,
Bert'

She placed the note back in its original resting place and rolled onto her back, she thought perhaps she could just have a slightly calmer day – well, calm by her standards. She did not have to be with the Banks family this morning and Bert's note had reminded her that she was scheduled to visit the doctor in the afternoon for what would be her first official check up since she'd received the news of her pregnancy. Her mind clouded with nerves. The course of her pregnancy had run normally over the past few months – according to her knowledge of the condition – but the sudden prospect of a professional examining her opened up the doors of so many possibilities…what if something was wrong with her? What if something was wrong with the baby? What if there was something she wasn't doing right or what if there was something she needed that she or Bert couldn't get hold of? The thoughts shot around her mind like bullets and she felt her chest tighten from the slight panic. She lay back, took several deep breaths and attempted to sooth herself; she brought a hand to her still small stomach and smoothed her palm across it.

'Everything will be fine…' she thought to herself, '…everything has been perfectly normal so far and I've taken good care of myself…my work hasn't been too strenuous…it's so stupid of me to get worked up about nothing, because it's all going to be fine' she assured herself sternly.

She cursed herself for being so stupidly panicked, she rarely got so worked up about things and prided herself on having a composed nature; sure many people would've told her that it was more than acceptable to feel nervous about something so unknown to her, but Mary still felt as if pregnancy had weakened her composure somewhat. It wasn't something that she was necessarily angered or upset about, but it wasn't something she was accustomed to – it felt strange to her. Over the past few months she had experienced so many situations and emotions that thrown her out of her stupidly large comfort zone, confusion was now something she had come to expect, but she couldn't help but feel a twinge of self disappointment every time it occurred. But she gave herself a slight smile and once again told herself that everything was fine.

She rolled over gently and looked at the spot where Bert should be, she wondered how he was feeling about everything. Like her, he always seemed so laid back about most things, she had known him for a long time and she could recall few occasions where he seemed over emotional or panicked about anything. Her pregnancy excluded – but even then he still kept a brave face, most of his reactions had either been shock or worry; he was never angry, he was never scared out of his wits and he was never one to lose control of himself. But he had mostly shown her the most endearing and undying adoration, she knew that he was doing everything in his power to care for and protect her. She wondered whether he was more nervous than he was letting on, whether he was better at wearing a mask than she was…that was something that truly worried Mary, that he was bottling up his concerns for her sake; she didn't want him to feel like he had to do that. She wanted to protect him too.

She ran her hand lightly across his side of the bed. It was cold. It was during these moments – moments when she had time to reflect – that she could truly comprehend just how lucky she was. Even though she had said thank you to Bert more times than she could count, she still felt as if she wasn't even close to conveying her gratitude. She smiled to herself and concluded that she was just going to have to keep telling him. She wondered what he was doing now, wondered if he was gazing upon the beauty of London, wondered if he was currently lucky enough to take in a view that only the birds get to see. Her chest filled with warmth.