What If?

Ch:9 Opening up

"In four minutes could you tell me your life story?" Ed asked while we sat down on wooden bench facing the pond.
"My life story? What do you mean?" I asked throwing the mix of seeds toward the pond.

I watched the scene in front of me with love. A large grey swan ate the couple of seeds that a smaller white swan was just planning on eating. A swan, who I think was its mother, quacked loudly at the seed thief and hugged her cygnet (swanling/ baby swan).

A sad feeling settled in me accompanied with homesick to a feeling I never felt. Ever since I was young, every family scene made me sad and yearn for the love of family. Some might think I'm selfish or stupid or crazy or anything in that area, but I sometimes wished my parents simply didnt have me or they left me at an orphanage or somewhere.

A hand waving in front of my face brought me out of the depressing spiral I was being pulled into.

I turned towards Ed to see him give me a sad smile.
"Is anything wrong?" I asked confusingly.
"That's a question I should ask you." He said while taking my hand into his and slowly rubbing my thumb.

Closing my eyes and listening to the sound of quacks and the rustling of the leaves, I took deep, slow breaths. Add to that, the rhythmic movement Ed was doing, I felt all my sadness float away.

A small smile made it's way to my face and I opened my eyes to see Ed reflecting my smile.
"Thank you." I said putting my other hand on top of his, leaving his hand in a sandwich between my two.

"Anytime. I'm not gonna ask what's wrong or what happened, but I want you to know, that whenever you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here." He said and raised his free hand and pulled put ouy his pinkie.
Giggling, I intertwined our pinkies together to seal his promise.

"So? Life story?" Ed asked and retrieved his hand.
"Right." I said feeling kind of sad that he took away his hand. I thought about why I felt that way but decided not to dig deep into it. "You were gonna tell me what it is?"

"Why dont I just start and this way you'll have an idea about it."
"Even better."
He rubbed his hands together and took a deep,deep breath as if what he was going to say next was very major.

But once he put his hands back on his laps, I noticed that the confident Ed was slowly fading away. He had his hands in fists, strongly closed and lightly trembling. His eyes were looking somewhere far away, but when i looked  closely, his mind was somewhere else.

I slowly tried to open his fists and intertwined my left hand fingers with his right. I then placed his head on my shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

At that moment, I felt like that was the place I belonged it. It was like this scenes of us holding hands and his hand on my shoulder was my haven, my home.

Ed tightened his grip on my hand and shifted a little until he was comfortable.

"You dont have to tell me, you know." I said. "I'm happy this way too."
"Do you believe in love?" He asked taking me off guard.
I layed my head on top of his and said honestly,"You might think it's funny or maybe weird, but what is love really? I dont know."

"Well, love is supposedly when you love someone so much that the second thetre out of the door or even before that you start missing them. The person that can make you laugh when all you want to do is cry. The person that understands you without you having to say a word."
"And how do you know you're in love?"

"One day you wake up and you realize that that person is the one you've been waiting for. You'll realize that it's not one thing that made you fall in love with her but a collection of moments. When you're in love, you'd want to dance and sing all day long. You'd be happy and you'd smile and laugh the whole day."

"You talk so deeply about love, have you experienced it?" I ask closing my eyes.
"You know the thing about love is that it's dangerous and might be double faced. Falling in love is a huge risk because it's like falling from a cliff, believing your partner will catch you. But what if they dont?"

"You'll be hurt."
"Even worse. Because you'll stop believing in love or anything good in this life. You'll hate your favorite song and food and place and series. You'll look at the world through black and white glasses. And that's even worse than getting hurt or dying."

"I'm sorry." I said sensing that what he said was out of his heart and that was an experience he had gone through himself. My theory was proved correct when I felt a tear soak into my shirt and heard a very low sob.
Ed quickly wiped his tear and sat upright while still holding my hand.

"You remember when you joked that it looked like I ran from a wedding and I told you that I came a day earlier because of my carelessness."
"Yes, it did happen today you know." I said turning to lift the mood up a bit. He chuckled,"Yes. But you were right, Jules. I had ran away from a wedding. The wedding of my bestfriend and my - how do I put it?" He thought to himself while scratching his head. "Someone I once loved."

"I'm so sorry."
"I thought I could handle the wedding and the celebrations the next day, but the truth is I couldn't. From the moment she came out wearing that white dress and he came out wearing his suit, I knew I couldn't. But I stayed nevertheless, torturing myself, forcing myself to let go. And once the main ceremony had ended, I said that I had to go back to England for an emergency."

"If you hadn't met me or if I wouldn't have accepted, what would you have done?"
"Well see the reason why I was in the airport in the first place is that my reservation was in the same hotel as the newly wed and the place of the wedding. Actually all guests were there. And since i told them i had to leave and i dodnt want to see them, I had to leave. I actually thought of just lounging in the airport instead of spending money for a hotel room, but then I saw you and I don't know, something happened."

"Oh. Do you still love her?" I asked quietly.
"Its been more than a year now that they're together, and more than that we've moved apart. But it still hurts especially that that person whom shes with is my bestfriend. Or actually was, once upon a time."

I untangled our fingers and hugged him tightly, trying to put back all his broken pieces back together. At first he was tensed, but then he gave in.

"That was a part of my life story." He said after we broke after; he checked his watch and then continued, "And it was more than 4 minutes."
"Does that mean I have to say mine for mor than 4 minutes too?"
"I guess so. Whatever you're comfortable with."

"Gracias. But before that may I ask you a question."
"Oh. La chica sabe español." Ed said with a perfect spanish accent.
"Oh no. That's the only word I know."
"Es eso asi?"
"Actually I also know hola, adios, beunos dias, si, señorita and chiao."
"Chiao is Italian by the way." Ed said laughing at me."
"I actually thought of that. Anyway that's the only Spanish I know. Obviously gracias to movies."

Ed laughed his cute laugh again and said,"You wanted to ask me something, right?"
"Yeah. If you have given up on love, how come you wanted me to fall for you and you for me in 24 hours?"

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I'm sorry that this chapter is long, but I hope you enjoy it.

On another note, Astrid S is one of my favorite artists and I think shes so underrated and many people dont know her. Even though he's voice and songs and in fact everything about her is amazing.

Enjoy!!💕