WATERCOLOR || Remake

Heavens Angels

Jisung had slowly started warming up to Changbin's friends but wouldn't say he was friends with them. He just wanted to be in the presence of Changbin, his cousin and the person who made him feel somewhat safe. Jisung was in the equipment room, counting items and cleaning up from the boys' basketball team's practice. Everyone went to shower, and Jisung, as it was part of his routine, had gathered up everything. He enjoyed his quiet time. This gave him much time to think about how far he had come since encountering Changbin. If it weren't for the incident where he accidentally knocked stuff over or the fact Ms. Young made them tag team a project to get Changbin a passing grade for his semester, Jisung would still be neglected and isolated from everyone in the school. Jisung didn't mind the attention; it reminded him of when he was younger, but he preferred having his own time and not being addressed only because he was 'friends' with the most popular male in school. The captain of the basketball team, he excelled in every class he studied. He was open, talented and quite the looker. Sometimes, Jisung compared himself to Changbin; the self-deprecation would kick in, but he would try to shake it off and go on with his day.Jisung was hesitant to define their relationship beyond friendship. He was unsure of what the future might hold and was frankly terrified of the possibilities.As he finished with the used basketballs, he turned around, startled by a mere presence. He slowly relaxed when he saw his cousin.

"Chan-Hyung... Don't sneak up like that..." Jisung mumbled, walking towards the older."Sorry, Sung. Are you almost done? We're all going for sushi, and Changbin is pouty because he tried asking you earlier, and you said no. So I just wanted to verify." Jisung placed the last ball in the net hamper, sighing."I want to, but I can't..."

"Is there a reason, Ji?"

"Ms. Young is taking me out..." That is all Jisung could muster to say. He didn't want to make the older feel bad. Today was a special day. At least to Jisung, it was, and he has never celebrated it with anyone except Ms. Young. 

"Okay... I guess we will see you later." Chan replied before returning to his friends waiting at the gymnasium entrance. Jisung carefully observed them; Hyunjin wrapped his arms around Changbin, and Seungmin was bluntly annoyed. Chan shrugged, but the only face he could see was Changbin's. The one is not staring at him. It hurt thinking about it. He grew accustomed to having Changbin around. He latched too quickly to realize how deep he was. Watching all of them leave as the door slammed shut.Jisung let out a weary sigh, feeling reluctance about the tasks ahead, knowing that sweeping the floor was next on his list. 

"Jisung! Are you ready?" Ms. Young's voice echoed from the office attached to the gym, breaking his contemplative moment. As he heard her call, Jisung found himself somewhat relieved, realizing that he could delay the mopping for another day. The day's drills were only basic, and no one had exerted themselves to the point of breaking a sweat.

"Yea..."

☆ミ　☆彡☆ミ　☆彡☆ミ　☆彡☆ミ　☆彡

Hours had gone by, and now Jisung sat at home in the living room, as he typically found himself doing on Friday evenings. He second-guessed whether he should have agreed to go out tonight, maybe to relieve his already busy mind, yet that would go against his tradition every year around this time. 

"Honey, what's wrong?" Casey asked Jisung, her voice filled with concern as she noticed him absentmindedly picking at his food on the plate. The soft glow of the TV illuminated the living room as they sat together, with Jisung opting to settle on the floor near the coffee table, finding comfort in the casual atmosphere of their shared space.

"Nothing," Jisung replied quietly, a tinge of concern in his voice as he worried that perhaps even Casey had forgotten what day it was. It wasn't a birthday or special event, at least not one that attracted widespread celebration. However, for Jisung, commemorating his parents meant everything to him.Today was the day that marked the anniversary of his parents' passing, a day of profound significance that stirred a multitude of memories and emotions within Jisung. The recollection of the accident, now shrouded in the mists of time, cast a heavy weight on his heart. Amidst his own grief, he couldn't shake the thought of whether Changbin experienced similar emotions.

"Sungie... I know today is hard. I found out you denied going for sushi. You love sushi..."

"I miss them..."

"I miss them..." Jisung's voice trembled with emotion. 

"Awe, my sweet angel... Come here." Casey's voice was a soothing balm. She urged Jisung to her, and he placed his fork down, rolling towards his aunt. As he crawled onto the couch, Casey opened her arms to him. He slid into them, and all his pent-up emotions burst forth. He couldn't contain them any longer.

"I want them back!" Jisung's anguished cry pierced the air, heavy with raw emotion. As each second ticked by, the depth of his longing and pain intensified, engulfing him in a profound sense of ache.

"I know, baby, I know..." Casey soothed, running her hands along his back, trying to calm him. Jisung was overwhelmed with how much he wished his parents could have seen him grow up. They would never see him graduate, get married, adopt kids, or buy his first house. They would never be there to watch him lose other things in his life.A piece of him died that night.

"My- my fault!" Jisung whimpered out.

"No, Jisung, the truck was at fault. You were not the cause. You know that baby..."

"But it was my game; they were driving, too. If I hadn't persisted, we would have gone. They would still be here." Jisung's disbelief was palpable, his mind struggling to accept the reality of his actions. That accident could have been prevented even if it wasn't his fault directly. He cried more. How could he cry more? He only did it once a year; this year, he had done more than enough, yet the tears still fell and burned his cheeks.

"It was an accident that happened, Jisung. We can't change that. But it would be best if you didn't blame yourself for something you had no control over. Sweetie, you had no control over the guy who blew that stoplight. You had no control over anything that happened that night. It's okay to feel the way you do. It sounds like today has been a challenging day for you. It's clear that you miss your parents a great deal. It's okay to be upset and to miss them. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why such things happen. You love them a lot. It's important to remember that what happened was not your fault. It was an accident, and accidents are beyond anyone's control. Blaming yourself will not bring them back. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to express them. I'm here for you."

"I-I... I want them back! Why did they leave?" Casey was now on the verge of crying, seeing how much Jisung had bottled up. She hoped that knowing Changbin's story would help Jisung see that an everyday life could still exist—a life in which people watched him from a distance.

"It's okay, love... Cry all you need. I'm right here." Casey hummed. She rocked them back and forth with a lovely sway. Soon, the cries turned into hiccups; his hiccups disappeared into soft breathing. His face dried with tears. Casey kept him in her arms. She knew what he was going through was more complex than anything he had endured. He endured the popularity of his parents as famous painters. He endured the fact he was both articulate and a genius. Yet he wouldn't ever show that side anymore. He keeps himself in the midst of 60-70s as an average score. And Casey knew he could surpass that, but she didn't fight him. He didn't have to be perfect anymore; the realization hit him at the wrong time. He was socializing it with the fateful car accident.

Casey longed for Changbin to reassure her that life held moments of contentment and the possibility of true friendship. Her greatest desire for Jisung was to witness him discover a deep and genuine affection from someone who would value and cherish him.She hoped Changbin could be that one. It would take a little bit. She saw how much Changbin had tried and improved on his witty love confession to Jisung, saying he would wait for him. That gave her enough of a reason to trust Changbin with her fragile child. She's raised Jisung since then, and she believes Jisung is one of her own. Although she couldn't fill the void of being a birth mother, she put effort into keeping him safe.It was common for them to fall asleep in tears that night. It was a regular ritual, a moment of necessary release that allowed them to gather the strength to face another year, as they only allowed themselves to express their emotions together once a year.