Miscellany

starlight

starlight

(n.) the light that comes from the stars

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They say that when a person is special, they always shine. No matter how normal they may seem in other people's eyes. No matter how you may seem in their eyes. That even if they try to camouflage themselves in a crowd, you would still find them. That even when they're not in front of you, their every feature is outlined in your mind like a detailed sketch.

The sand cradles my backside and my eyes become fixated on the countless stars comforting me with their blue light. I hear you breathing softly next to me, our hands just a few inches apart, and I try my hardest not to lose control.

Your soft cheeks, your brown hair, the pointed nose and those slightly parted lips. How much have you captivated me that every part of you is already etched in my memory? Even when I blink, even when I close my eyes, you don't vanish.

You're everywhere. But I'm nowhere.

Not in this empty shore where you are bathing under the sea of stars. Not in the wind that grazes through your brown locks. Not in the waves that are seemingly aiming for our feet. The chills climbing up my spine can't compare to the heartache whenever I look at you and you never turn back.

"Jack."

But your voice passes through my ears like a calm wave. Instead of the billions of stars in the sky, I'm drawn towards you. The countless stars have never been as dazzling as your eyes. Their blue light has never been as beautiful as your smile. They have never blinded me as much as you have.

"The stars are so beautiful tonight, aren't they?"

Your lips curve into a smile as your eyes wander through the vast sea of lights above us. You have always told me how much you loved the stars in the countless times we walked on this shore. But every single time, I could only hold out my small hand that can never reach the stars, in the same way that I can never seem to reach you. And foolishly, I felt almost an animosity towards them. Because I want to be the only thing on your mind. The thing you always want to see. I want you to always have your gaze on me. I want to stay by your side. I want to see you in your tranquility and in your insanity. I want to be your light and beautifully shine on you.

And if only I stopped being jealous of the stars, I would've been able to see your fixated gaze on me that night. The gaze I desired the most. A gaze that reflects my own whenever I look at you.