Miscellany

segno

segno

(n.) marks the beginning or end of a musical repeat

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This is the fourth time.

The red sign I carved with my blood has seeped into the trunk, almost camouflaging into the bark, metamorphosing from liquid to solid. How many days has it been? I've lost count of the many times I have traversed this cursed forest. I punch the barely visible cross, the skin atop of my fingernails peeling open as my knees drag my whole body downwards.

"Jack..."

I don't know when it began— your name passing through my lips more frequently than water and air, my feet becoming numb from the ceaseless walking, and my erratic heartbeat I fail to comprehend. The soft breeze passing through trees, the tranquil flow of water down the stream, the brilliance of the full moon— they all force a bitter laugh out of the pit of my stomach. I wanted to stop this madness, this desperate hunt for you, for the serenity before my eyes is nothing but an illusion.

Since you left me, I have never felt at peace.

Yet you come back, again and again, in a form beyond what's physically perceivable. Your warmth wraps itself around my convulsing frame. Memories of your smile, your kiss, your "I love you"s, they drown my sanity. A sweet voice fills up my heart, then mercilessly chokes it.

I'm waiting, Krit.

Just like that, I'm trapped once more. In a vicious circle, a malign phantasm, a treacherous irony, where you push me past the start and leave me hanging by the edge of the end, drawing me back to the beginning.

And my eyes will find itself staring at the same red sign, the newest layer replacing the old one I had placed in the beginning, only to be superseded by another as you entice me back into the painful journey of finding you, who is now forever gone.

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a/n: inspired by nu'est's "segno"