Miscellany

hole

hole

(n.) an empty space

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Tall and overwhelming trees surround me. My feet are light, and the surface underneath my toes feel like soil. I looked up and I was greeted by a vast blue sky. The sun is shining brightly. I can hear the flow of water from the spring. I'm in a familiar jungle, a place I know too well. I sit up and check my body. It's intact. I have 10 fingers, 10 toes, a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth, a pair of arms, a pair of legs. Moreover, my left leg is fine. For a second, a sense of relief came over me. Maybe everything was just a dream.

But an emptiness inside me pulls me back into the darkness. There's a hole in my chest. What was supposed to be there? Why am I in the jungle? Who am I again? I try to remember but my mind is fuzzy.

Jack!

My mind starts spinning. I know that voice. I try to find the source but I'm blinded by the rays of the sun. Suddenly, my feet begin walking on its own. And I mouth a little prayer that they will take me to where that voice is coming from.

Jack!

I come face to face with the owner of the voice. A young boy. Probably the same age as me. Bloody. Wounded. Crying. I don't know his name, but my mind starts to spin again. My chest tightens at the sight of this person. Who are you? He keeps walking and spinning around, like my mind. And for the first time since I opened my eyes, my mouth starts to move.

"I'm here."

And he stops in his tracks. I can see his eyes and lips shaking. For what reason, I don't know. He's still not looking at me.

"I'm here."

I tell him I'm here, even though I don't know if I'm the one he's looking for. He frantically begins to look around, disbelief plastered on his face that has been flooded by his tears. His eyes are bloodshot red. My feet begin to move again and I stand behind the boy whose name I still don't know. His height is similar to mine, and he has an oddly familiar scent, as if I've known it for a long time. Without me knowing, my arms start to move, wrapping themselves around this boy's trembling body. But my arms pass through him, and they end up hitting each other. Then and there, it dawns on me. I am not of this world. Even though I have my own body. Even though it's my own voice I'm hearing.

The boy starts to sob and scream, repeating that name over and over again.

"I love you..."

But it wasn't until he said those words that tears fell from my eyes. And my hands go up, attempting to hold his face but to no avail, reminding me again that I am not of this world.

So why am I still here?

And as the boy walks away from me, I look at the hole in my chest. Maybe that's why I still can't completely pass on.

Because what was supposed to be there is still in this world.