My mistake,My child

Chapter 5

That first time was a regret even though we didn't do anything besides kissing and touching. When we were done I went back to Owethu's room to get some sleep but I couldn't, I was asking myself all the questions. Finally that weekend ended and I went back home however this habit continued until last year December when it went to a new stage that I was also very scared of.

Sbu : Cindy for the past three years all we have been doing is baby stuff can we get serious now because honestly I feel like we are a couple.
Me : You have totally lost it,already what we are doing is wrong, I'm sorry but I can't continue doing this.
That was a lie I enjoyed his kisses more than anything because for once it seemed like someone cared for me and my feelings. Before I could even turn and walk away he was standing in front of me and he was down on his knees.
Sbu : Cindy look,my feelings for you are getting stronger everyday I just want us to get through this so that we are not ashamed or have awkwardness.
Me : Are you listening to yourself? If we do actually have sex,things are going to be more awkward. I'm sorry but I can't do this crazy thing you are asking me.

This guy was going crazy I tell you,this is my flower we are talking about I can't just give it away plus he definitely would never marry me,I left him on his knees and continued with preparing dinner. Mind you we were having this conversation in the kitchen while my sister and her husband were in the bedroom.

When I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, I saw him sitting in the lounge watching TV. I was a bit curious to know why he was sitting there so late and not sleeping
Me : What are you doing?
Sbu : It's obvious I'm watching soccer.
Me : You don't have to be rude,mxm whatever.
Sbu : Cindy wait, I'm sorry it's just that this whole thing is stressing me out.
Cindy :What thing? That I don't wanna sleep with you?
Sbu :Yes..uhmm..No..listen Cindy it's just that I seriously love you and I wish you would stop pushing me away.
He had a very sincere look on his face and I really felt bad for him but I couldn't just give him my virginity plus I was not ready.

Me : Look Sbu, I like you too but I'm not ready to lose my virginity especially to someone I know that I can't have a serious relationship with.
Sbu :I respect your views but I really am serious about us,please give me a chance to make you happy.
I should have known that was the guy talk,the smooth operator ways but I was a damn fool.
He kissed me,touched me in places that would obviously make me oblige. I was lost in his kisses until next thing I knew he was on top of me, naked.
Me : Aren't we gonna atleast use a condom?
Sbu :Relax I won't impregnate you,I will pull out just in time.
How could I be so dumb and naive.
That night he took my virginity and my future.

Present day
It was finally the Take A Girl To Work programme day where the Grade 11 top girls performers were taken to Thala bank where they will spend a day with different bank workers from the teller to the financial advisor and consultants. I was looking forward to this day because there was an opportunity to win a bursary to study in a University.
Thando and I decided to bring and share lunch so we had all the junk in our bags from chips to chocolate. However I woke up not feeling well this morning and I had this urge of throwing up but I kept on ignoring it but it got worse.
Thando : Are you okay Friend?
Me : Yes, I just feel like I need to throwup.
Thando : You better take your ass to the toilet 'cause I don't want you to ruin my day,please.
Me : Relax drama queen I'm not about to throwup in your uniform maybe I will do it in your face.
Thando : What!? You are so mean.
Me :Ha ha ,yes that's my middle name.But seriously I'm thinking of asking Mam Ngwenya if I could go home.
Thando : Don't be stupid this is an opportunity of a lifetime plus we will be featured in tomorrow's Newspaper article,I know you are sick but can you keep it together?
Me : I don't know but I will try.

When it was almost time to go I had made more than 3 trips to the toilet, I knew that I could not go so I had to inform Mam Ngwenya.
Mam Ngwenya : Are you telling me that you won't be able to go? Oh Cindy you are a very bright student and I know that you stand a chance of winning that bursary.
Me : I know Mam,however I am seriously sick.
Mam Ngwenya: It's fine I will draft a note for you to leave early,this is just too bad.
Me : I'm sorry Mam.
As soon as I got the note I quickly gave it to the security and got in a taxi. I was getting worse in the taxi and feeling very hot suddenly it hit me 'what if I'm pregnant?.
The questions flooded in my mind,What will my sister say?,what about my Aunt?,Will Sbu ever accept his child?,What about my future? I couldn't help it tears just streamed down my face, I knew that I was doomed.

As soon as I stepped out of the taxi I threw up and felt like even my intestines came out now I was crying hysterically because of overthinking. Luckily when I got in the house there was no one. Now I was worse, I even had a running tummy and I was literally boiling over. I took all the clothes off until I was left only with panty and bra. My body was in pain I didn't know what to do so I continued crying helplessly until the house phone rang.
'Cindy,are you okay'. It was my sister and I could tell in her voice that she was worried sick.'I got a call from your school that you left early'
'No,I'm not okay,I feel like I'm dying'
'Look Cindy,luckily we are home today so I will send my husband to pick you up so that you can be close to me and I can see how I can help you'. I was so happy to hear that and suddenly I felt like I could stop crying.

Within an hour her husband knocked on the door and I already packed my clothes so I just got in the car. Usually I would be happy to see him but today I was guilty and ashamed, I couldn't look him in the eyes 'cause I felt like he would read my mind and see how much of a disgrace I am for sleeping with his son.
When I got to their house they gave me Castor oil to clean my system because they were suspecting that eating too much junk finally caught up with me and its messing up my system. After going to the toilet countless times I finally felt asleep.
After what felt like forever I woke up and just when I opened my eyes there he was staring at me.