Wife for Hire

Chapter 28

(Jason) 

    I walked into Derek’s office a couple days later prepared to sign the divorce papers. I tried to think of any way possible to get Karmen back, but I kept thinking back to what she said at Derek’s the other day and thought better of it, there was nothing I could do now. 
    I walked into the lobby and his Secretary Mary pointed me into his office. I opened the door and found myself in the seat across from his desk. To be honest I was anxious, I was nervous to see her again. I had tried to think of anything to say to get her to reconsider, but every time I opened my mouth, nothing would come out. I knew deep down that this was probably better for her than anything she could have with me. 
    “Thanks for stopping by today Jason.” Derek said. I hadn’t decided on if I wanted to be angry with him yet or if I should just forget about everything that happened all together. Karmen had that kind of energy about her, one where she could make your own friends and family turn on you because there is simply nothing that she can do wrong. My behavior in the beginning hadn’t helped the situation and Derek had known me for years, he’s watched me play girls for less. I shook my head, there was no way to convince him. 
    “Can we just get this over with? Where’s Karmen?” I asked. He pushed the divorce papers over to me and waited for me to sign them. 
    “She’s not coming, she came earlier and signed saying that you didn’t even have to give her the million dollars. It’s written in there if you want to read it.” He said sitting a pen down on top. I stared down at the paper. She couldn’t even see me one last time? Say goodbye officially? I felt the anger well up inside me. I knew it wasn’t directed at her, I knew that if I was in her shoes then I would feel the same way, I wouldn’t want to see me either. I wouldn’t want to hear anything compared to what I had seen, I definitely didn’t ask Emily any questions when it came to her and Chase. 
    I flipped to the last page of the divorce paper to sign and saw Karmen’s signature on the first line and everything that I had managed to piece together before broke again. I didn’t want it to end like this, I at least wanted it to be on mutual ground. Something along the lines of she couldn’t be with me, she didn’t feel the same way I could take, but a misunderstanding? This was almost too much. 
    “Jason, I have other clients to meet with in a bit. I can’t push this on for too long.” I scoffed. Some friend he was. 
    “What’s your problem Derek? Not once have you asked me if I’m okay or have you come by to check up on me? Am I not your friend? Did we call it quits too?” Derek stared at me for a moment and then ran a hand through his hair. I could tell he had switched from lawyer Derek to friend Derek. 
    “What the hell do you want me to say Jason? Karmen was a good girl and you played her. She deserves someone better, someone that actually loves her and deserves to be loved by her. You used her from the beginning and this is how it turned out for you. So sign or you’ll leave her feeling more miserable than she already does.” I tried not to let the words get rid of any control that I had been holding on to since I got up that morning, but I could already tell it was slipping. 
    “And what do you know about loving Karmen?” I asked, my knee bouncing in anger and anticipation. I clenched my hands into fists and unclenched repeatedly. I didn’t know how much longer I could sit here patiently. 
    “I hope that one day I’ll get to learn all about loving Karmen.” He said, the glint in his eye telling me he was serious. Any control that I had mustered shattered as I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him out of his chair. 
    “You won’t ever know shit about loving Karmen, because you don’t recognize when your own best friend is in love with her. I love her Derek, more than anything in this world and you're blind if you don’t see it!” I said, pushing him away from me. He straightened his tie and laughed, one of those dangerous laughs that let me know he was pissed off. 
    “You don’t even know what love is Jason! You said it yourself with Emily that you had never truly loved her, you never let her past a certain point, are you saying that Karmen has moved past that point and if she has then why are we sitting here with these papers then, Jason?” I slammed my hands down on his desk. I wanted to take those damn papers and rip them to shreds. I wanted to find Karmen and pull her to me and make her listen somehow to understand, to hear what I had to say and go back like none of this had happened, but I knew that I couldn’t force this on her. I knew that it was a misunderstanding, but she didn’t. I watched the hope die in her eyes when she saw me and Emily. I saw the mistrust when I saw her at Derek’s. I thought about the book that she had written me, about us, and the last page that had us kissing in the back of a carriage and sighed. This was it, there was nothing more I could do, all that would be left was the memories that we had together and that book. 
    “We’re sitting here with these papers because I love her, because I want her to be happy even if that means it’s not with me. Even if that means it has to end in divorce, but I will say this Derek. If you end up with her and you hurt her in any way, I won’t be so civil next time.” I took the pen and signed the divorce papers, before throwing them on his desk and leaving. I made my way outside without saying goodbye and punched the first thing that I saw. That was it, it was officially over. 

(Karmen) 

    I rearranged the flowers that were sitting on my mother’s bedside table. She wouldn’t tell me who sent them, but they looked divine and it was a nice way to take my mind off of the divorce. 
    “Karmen,” My mother said. I looked at her and smiled, trying my best to ignore the fact that I was a divorced woman, that the man that I loved had chosen another woman. “I need you to sit down for a minute, you’re making me tired.” I nodded and sat in the chair next to her bed and grabbed her hand, rubbing it across my face. She sighed. 
    “Jason called me the other day looking for you, where were you?” I tensed and looked down at my own hands. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to tell her anything. That she could go on unbothered by my drama. 
    “I just stayed with a friend, that’s all.” I said, grabbing the remote to turn the tv up. She put a hand over mine and my eyes met hers, filled with sadness.    
    “Karmen, he told me about the divorce. Are you sure about this?” I stood this time and turned away from her. Was he still visiting her? Why was he still talking to her, stopping by?
    “Mom, it’s complicated.” I said, wishing that we could talk about something else. Anything else. I didn’t want to think about Jason and what we had been through, I wanted to spend time with my mother. 
    “It’s not complicated at all. I think it was all just a big misunderstanding that can be sorted out and organized. I think that you two can sit down and talk about it. He didn’t cheat Karmen.” I sat back down in the seat unsure of what to do with myself. I thought back to the words he had spoken to me the other day.  I’m sorry that that was all I was ever good at doing and I hope that you can find someone who can treat you better in the future. Those words kept echoing in my mind and I tried everything in my power to unhear them, but I knew what I felt the moment that I had heard them. That everything I saw was a misunderstanding. 
    “Mom, it’s not just about that though.” I said, standing again and pacing in front of her bed. 
    “Then what is it about Karmen?” I took a deep breath and made my way over to her side again and grabbed her hand. 
    “Do you remember when I was little and I’d make up all those extravagant stories about mermaids and trolls?” She nodded, smiling at memories of me telling her these stories and the crazy plot twists and endings. “Well, I wrote one for Jason about us and he loved it. His dad asked him when we were going to have children and Jason mentioned that it would happen when he got the restaurant up and running and I figured out whatever it was that I wanted to do and then it hit me. I had given up on all of my dreams, I put them on hold and now I don’t know what I want anymore. I thought it was singing, but I think that was more Jamal’s dream that I had attached myself too.” I took a deep breath and stood. 
    “I still have so many issues to work out, like my trust issues and my abandonment issues, and just generally finding what I enjoy doing again. I don’t want to go into a relationship or a marriage with him while he’s building on his dreams and I can’t even begin to support him let alone my own.” She was nodding now a single tear escaped down her cheek and I pulled her into a hug. 
    “Mom, I love him just as much as you do, if not more, but I have to take care of me first before we can be on equal footing.” She nodded and squeezed me into the hug. 
    “I know baby and I’m so proud of you for coming to that conclusion on your own.” I nodded and sat down in the chair again this time. 
    “Yeah, but I don’t want him to wait around for me either. I don’t know how long it will take for me to grow and love myself the way that I need to before I can love him the way that he deserves.” She patted my hand one good time before finally letting us drift off into a different topic of conversation. I stayed there for a while talking with her, before I decided to head over to Joe’s I had been staying with him and if I was correct he should be back at his place with my clothes and things. I didn’t want to go pick them up, I couldn’t promise myself that if I bumped into him that I’d go back on my decision to take care of me and I knew that it was something that would be good for the both of us if we were ever going to try again. 

(Jason) 

    I sat on the couch in the living room, the words Derek had spoken echoing in my mind. He was hoping to find out about loving Karmen? How long had he felt that way? Why hadn’t I noticed? I shook my head, honestly I wanted to say that this felt like the whole Chase situation all over again, but honestly it felt worse. I love Karmen more than anything and now that I didn’t have her anymore, now that the papers we signed were final I truly felt a little lost. I had meant what I said when my dreams didn’t matter as long as Karmen wasn’t there for them, but I knew I couldn’t stop pursuing them. I knew I had to continue down the path I was on or else I would never have the chance down the line to win her back. For now though, I would give her space and let her decide what she wanted and if she decided to try with Derek all I could do was hope that she was happy.