Someday I Will

Entry 6

Dear LL, 

This is the last time I will write anything. The thing is that I can't take the pain anymore. I'm done with this. 

In these last moments of my life I decide to be as true as possible. 

I had a dream last night. It was me, a little older than what I am today. He came to me and said one simple thing. "I come from the future. Don't go there."

I thought about this all day today and decide not to go there. Anyway what do I have that I can live for? No one cares, no one listens. I'll be dead one second, the other second people will forget and say who was this asshole?

No one can understand what I am passing through. No one cares.

And for what it's worth, I also do not care about a life. My life. 

I will sleep today, never to wake again. 

I was an asshole all my life. I was an asshole that I made perfect three people my friends. It is not their fault that I am committing suicide, on the contrary, they were very nice to me. They treated me like family. I love those guys. 

I used to live in the hope that we, me and that girl, will get together one day but she was right, I'm an idiot. I should have learnt not to rely on others. 'Cause we humans should stop relying on others. I should not have written even to you, but I realized this mistake too late. I realized it right now. Everyone just butted into my life and hurt me all they liked. This will be over now 'cause everything's gonna be over now. 

I should not have loved anyone because that is what has hurt me the most. Giving out care and love to other people has caused all of the problems. I swear I won't love anyone, not even myself in the next life, if there is such a thing. Love is a bitch. It will be a bitch for all I have suffered is due to love. There's no such thing known as a fucking soulmate. It's a fucking sham. Even after all the similarities that existed between me and that girl we couldn't be together now that's what you call a fucking sham. 

I should not have opened up to anyone because that's what makes you vulnerable. I should have remained alone, but as I said, love is a bitch. It will take to a place, give you hope, and then fuck you. This is what the truth is. Love no one. Owe allegiance to no one. Not even your self.

I was an idiot treating you like a fellow human know full well that you cannot respond back to me. But you did a good job in listening to me. I'm proud of you. 

I won't be sad now for there's nothing to be sad about in the afterlife.

Yours, 

James Andrews. 

Never To Wake Again

Look at him
 with your eyes,
 he speaks your name, 
as he dies.
 His last grimace,
 still etched upon his face,
 he was loved,
 that is not the case.
 Am I the only one,
 who is in the line, 
the line of paying respects,
 to the body that was mine.